Where have all the real men gone?
September 20, 2008 10:10 AM Subscribe
I had written out this question yesterday but since then it has gone through a bit of a transformation: I would now like to hear from men who are feeling "dis-empowered", "dis-enfranchised" or "emasculated", and would like to know what it is that they have done to resolve their issues, or are in the process of doing, or wish they could do someday?
I ask this question because as a sex I think we have been asked to go through so many changes in the past few years (and I don't say this with any disrespect meant towards what women as a race have had to endure through the ages), but for the sake of argument I'd like to focus on the men on this topic...
I would like to know how you guys out there feel... ? Do you know what it means to be a man? If so, how do you describe manhood??? Is it living for your family and providing for their livelihood? Is it picking up the garbage for a living because that's the job you could get since you dropped out of school? Have you ever stood up for what's right and fought someone who you knew to be in the wrong... ? Is it wrong to fight someone who you know to be in the wrong? When do you let your civilized self go and let the barbarian underneath out because you know that there might not be any other alternative... ? Have you ever had jerks looking at your girl-friend/wife/sister and pretended like you didn't notice, or at best--"pretended" like you could've done something, when you knew you probably couldn't have, because that's the way you felt--like an utter whimp... . What did you do in those situations... how did it feel? How did you cope???
I ask because I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. I'm not a whimp. I don't want to be a whimp. I'm sick and tired of looking at things in a logical way and not letting myself even wonder about how it could be if I had the guts to do something which I've always wanted to do... to not let my legs tremble like jelly when confronted with a guy who may be stronger than me, or taller than me, or meaner than me. What am I... ? Do I really care if I get a broken nose or a couple of scars on my face... isn't my manhood more precious to me than a couple of stitches and a few broken bones???
I know this doesn't make much sense, but I've met some people who've scared the living daylights out of me... or had until a couple of hours ago, and I've made up my mind to face them once-and-for-all, even though it might be too late, since I took someone with me to face them yesterday, instead of going alone. But now I know the truth... the truth about the lies that they'd told me all along--the girl was never a scam artist. The guys who they'd been bad-mouthing behind their backs weren't the real ones to be concerned about--it was them all along, and they'd played me for a fool the entire time...
I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm off of dope that's giving me this high right now, or if it's the fact that I haven't taken my medication yet, but I want to hold onto this feeling. I want to relish it and see where it takes me. I want to know once and for all what it feels like to be a man.
I ask this question because as a sex I think we have been asked to go through so many changes in the past few years (and I don't say this with any disrespect meant towards what women as a race have had to endure through the ages), but for the sake of argument I'd like to focus on the men on this topic...
I would like to know how you guys out there feel... ? Do you know what it means to be a man? If so, how do you describe manhood??? Is it living for your family and providing for their livelihood? Is it picking up the garbage for a living because that's the job you could get since you dropped out of school? Have you ever stood up for what's right and fought someone who you knew to be in the wrong... ? Is it wrong to fight someone who you know to be in the wrong? When do you let your civilized self go and let the barbarian underneath out because you know that there might not be any other alternative... ? Have you ever had jerks looking at your girl-friend/wife/sister and pretended like you didn't notice, or at best--"pretended" like you could've done something, when you knew you probably couldn't have, because that's the way you felt--like an utter whimp... . What did you do in those situations... how did it feel? How did you cope???
I ask because I'm sick and tired of feeling this way. I'm not a whimp. I don't want to be a whimp. I'm sick and tired of looking at things in a logical way and not letting myself even wonder about how it could be if I had the guts to do something which I've always wanted to do... to not let my legs tremble like jelly when confronted with a guy who may be stronger than me, or taller than me, or meaner than me. What am I... ? Do I really care if I get a broken nose or a couple of scars on my face... isn't my manhood more precious to me than a couple of stitches and a few broken bones???
I know this doesn't make much sense, but I've met some people who've scared the living daylights out of me... or had until a couple of hours ago, and I've made up my mind to face them once-and-for-all, even though it might be too late, since I took someone with me to face them yesterday, instead of going alone. But now I know the truth... the truth about the lies that they'd told me all along--the girl was never a scam artist. The guys who they'd been bad-mouthing behind their backs weren't the real ones to be concerned about--it was them all along, and they'd played me for a fool the entire time...
I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm off of dope that's giving me this high right now, or if it's the fact that I haven't taken my medication yet, but I want to hold onto this feeling. I want to relish it and see where it takes me. I want to know once and for all what it feels like to be a man.
This post was deleted for the following reason: This is really pretty rambly and unclear; if you can find a way to cut this down to some core answerable question, maybe give it a shot next week. -- cortex
Tell me I'm not wrong to feel this way.
you feel what you feel. your conclusions are wrong.
listen carefully: men don't fight. boys fight. you have to get yourself out of this drama and then look inside yourself to find why you want to fight. fix that thing as soon as you can.
posted by stubby phillips at 10:26 AM on September 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
you feel what you feel. your conclusions are wrong.
listen carefully: men don't fight. boys fight. you have to get yourself out of this drama and then look inside yourself to find why you want to fight. fix that thing as soon as you can.
posted by stubby phillips at 10:26 AM on September 20, 2008 [1 favorite]
Well as a man, the first thing I would do is define my problem - you seem to be confused about what exactly the problem is.
posted by Drama Penguin at 10:31 AM on September 20, 2008
posted by Drama Penguin at 10:31 AM on September 20, 2008
I have to confess that I had trouble understanding what the core of your question is. I think you are asking if it is "manly" not to want to fight. The short answer is "yes." Being a man is all kinds of things, but at bottom it's not acting like a boy-child. Or what stubby phillips said.
Incidentally, the female gender is not a separate race from the male gender.
posted by idest at 10:35 AM on September 20, 2008
Incidentally, the female gender is not a separate race from the male gender.
posted by idest at 10:35 AM on September 20, 2008
I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm off of dope that's giving me this high right now, or if it's the fact that I haven't taken my medication yet, but I want to hold onto this feeling. I want to relish it and see where it takes me. I want to know once and for all what it feels like to be a man.
This is not the time to be philosophical, Kemosabe.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 10:43 AM on September 20, 2008
This is not the time to be philosophical, Kemosabe.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 10:43 AM on September 20, 2008
I don't know whether it's the fact that I'm off of dope that's giving me this high right now, or if it's the fact that I haven't taken my medication yet, but I want to hold onto this feeling. I want to relish it and see where it takes me. I want to know once and for all what it feels like to be a man.
Man, sounds like you've got some fervent life force pumping through you, and you like how it feels. Good. It's great to be alive, and to be aware of it. But physical violence is the worst possible outlet for your life force, an absolute negation of it. You perceive enemies out there and no doubt, they're not saints. But neither are you, and you never will be. Step 1 of becoming a so-called man is know your limitations. I think Dirty Harry said that.
I recommend punk rock, either make it or get in the mosh pit. Seriously.
posted by philip-random at 10:46 AM on September 20, 2008
Man, sounds like you've got some fervent life force pumping through you, and you like how it feels. Good. It's great to be alive, and to be aware of it. But physical violence is the worst possible outlet for your life force, an absolute negation of it. You perceive enemies out there and no doubt, they're not saints. But neither are you, and you never will be. Step 1 of becoming a so-called man is know your limitations. I think Dirty Harry said that.
I recommend punk rock, either make it or get in the mosh pit. Seriously.
posted by philip-random at 10:46 AM on September 20, 2008
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posted by hadjiboy at 10:16 AM on September 20, 2008