Cockroach etiquette?

September 13, 2008 10:28 PM

What is the proper etiquette concerning a cockroach you see in someone else's house?

I'm a houseguest of friends who are adult, middle-class, churchgoing, etc. whose house is in a respectable suburb. While using the bathroom, I happen to see a fairly big cockroach run across the floor. Should I tell my hosts? Or should I just say nothing?

If I say nothing, and the hosts are actually unaware they are infected, the cockroaches will build up a bigger colony before the hosts happen to discover them, and thus be more difficult to eradicate.

If they don't know they have cockroaches and I speak up, there's the shoot-the-messenger possibility. Or the hosts are terribly embarrassed that anyone found an insect in their house. Or am I simply being rude to bring up such a matter. Etc.

What would you do? Keep it secret or speak up? If you'd tell, how would you politely and reasonably broach the subject? What would you actually say?

posted by exphysicist345 to human relations (23 comments total)

I wouldn't mention it. Cockroaches are often just a fact of life even in respectable suburbs, especially in houses where people choose not to use a lot of poison. I also wouldn't mention cobwebs, cat fluff, scuff marks and dust on shelving (in part because they're also features of my home and I've got too much other stuff to do in between worrying about being respectable).
posted by b33j at 10:32 PM on September 13, 2008

exphysicist345: "Ok, hey, so this is kinda weird, but I think I saw a cockroach run across the floor in the bathroom... thought you'd like to know so if there's a problem with them, it can get taken care of."

homeowner: "oh, yeah, the previous owners never dealt with that, so we've been trying to get rid of them. thought we got rid of them all...guess I'll have to leave the poison out longer"

OR

homeowner: "thanks. I'll keep an eye out for that."

OR

homeowner: "ew. I'll call the exterminator."
posted by niles at 10:35 PM on September 13, 2008

I used to run into this a lot back when I used to babysit. I lived in the southeast where cockroaches are pretty common even in really nice places (so much so that they're called "Palmetto Bugs" to make people feel better), but it's still a sticky situation.

Usually my standard was "I ran into a [bug] in the [location] earlier; I checked the windows to make sure more don't get in." (Then you shrug it off while starting to talk about something else.)

I like this for a couple of reasons. One, they know about the bug and can deal with it/them as they see fit. Two, it's nonchalant and it takes the pressure off of them of explaining the presence of the bug to you, since you've changed the subject. And three, it suggests that you think their house is too nice to be a home to bugs, since you immediately thought to check for an open window. They'll know it didn't get in through the window, and they'll probably know that you know, but they won't have to feel so embarrassed or put on the spot.
posted by phunniemee at 10:35 PM on September 13, 2008 [5 favorites]

Depends on your hosts. Are you the guests of friends of your parents who are adult, middle-class, and churchgoing? Will they be horribly embarrassed that Mrs. exphysicist345's highschool son saw an insect in their home and will tell Mrs. ex who will tell everyone in the PTA?

Personally, I can't think of many circumstances in which I wouldn't want you to tell me. Don't make a big deal of it, mention it in passing (and privately, or in a circumspect manner- not at Sunday dinner after church), and move the conversation on to something else unless they want to talk about their roach problems.

If they *don't* know about this, they need to know, pronto. Totally outweighs any possible embarrassment you'd be saving them.
posted by arnicae at 10:36 PM on September 13, 2008

phunniemee's suggestion is a good one. A cock roach infestation is a nasty enough thing that I would absolutely want to know if I didn't already, and her nonchalant way of bringing it up should avoid unnecessary embarrassment.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 11:24 PM on September 13, 2008

If roaches are running around with people nearby, I really doubt that they wouldn't already know they have a problem.
posted by wingless_angel at 11:33 PM on September 13, 2008

First, you kill that damn bug. Then you tell your host what kind of favor you have provided for them.
posted by caddis at 11:34 PM on September 13, 2008

Keep quiet about it. A single cockroach does not an infestation make. In lots of areas of the country, an occasional single cockroach is a fact of life and has no bearing on the overall condition of the household. Don't embarrass your hosts.
posted by amyms at 11:36 PM on September 13, 2008 [4 favorites]

Yeah, as per phunniemee's response, I think it depends on the area of the country. In the south, cockroaches are a fact of life. They somehow get into your house no matter what they do.

When I lived in Chicago and Central Illinois I never saw them in my own dwellings and I assumed things had to be pretty for them to take up residence.

Either way, I think phunniemee's response is the best idea. It's so Southern...I love it.
posted by melissam at 1:40 AM on September 14, 2008

Yes, kill it! Stupid roaches!

Anyway, since you're a guest and it sounds like you'll be there a while, I guess it wouldn't hurt to keep quiet about it since you're not sure of their reaction, and you'll have time to see if another one pops up somewhere, in which case you definitely should say something. Then if they ever see one on their own (assuming they hadn't already) then they can take appropriate measures.

If they're the type that might be that embarrassed or upset by the news you'd give 'em, it's probably better that they find out from you first, rather than, you know, a visiting philanthropist, CEO, or pope.

I don't think there's much of a dilemma in how you break the news, just as long as it's not along the lines of "Like, omigosh, you guys have roaches in your house! Ew, gross." Just be matter of factly and make it clear you understand it's a frustrating(!) predicament. Stupid roaches.
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 1:48 AM on September 14, 2008

If you saw one in your brief time there then they've seen them too.
posted by recurve at 2:12 AM on September 14, 2008 [2 favorites]

If their place is secretly a wreck and they clean it up for guests they'll be embarrassed that their subterfuge was ineffectual, and if it was a random occurrence owing to a thriving local population it's not really a problem that can be realistically addressed. Those two cases probably cover the majority of roach sightings. On the off-chance that they do have a well-maintained place that is just on the very cusp of a roach problem, of which your roach was among the first harbringers, they'll find out soon enough anyway, won't they? Would the minutes/hours/days gained by your diagnoses be worth more than the social distress of (reasonably) assuming that you assumed the first case was true and that they can't maintain a household?

If there is a positive benefit to be had from bringing it up I doubt that it's likely enough or important enough to pursue. Don't kill it either, unless it's menacing you.
posted by moift at 4:30 AM on September 14, 2008

I would want to die if a guest told me they saw a bug in my bathroom, unless that guest was a best friend from years and years back and we share absolutely everything (and even then I would still be cringing). Or maybe my dad.

Agreeing that if you saw one then they have probably seen them too (or will start seeing them very soon).
posted by KAS at 5:39 AM on September 14, 2008

Where are you? In the South, anyway, it's pretty common to see the big ones ("Palmetto Bugs" not the small German Cockroaches) and it has nothing to do with cleanliness or lack thereof. If you saw one of the big bugs, I wouldn't worry about it - he's inside looking for or escaping from water. If you see a small one, I would figure out how to be nice about saying you've seen such a thing. The small ones in the South are a problem; the large ones are generally just a fact of life.
posted by Medieval Maven at 5:44 AM on September 14, 2008

I've never seen a cockroach in my current place, but if a guest did, I would not be embarassed. (Nor would I be about any other insect, for that matter.) Because amyms is right (and so is Medieval Maven). The human race is never going to be free from cockroaches -- you can assume that they are in your life somewhere, even if you don't see them. Yes, especially in warmer climates.

But, if a guest came up to me with a case of the vapors over any insect in my house, I'd probably lose a small bit of respect for their sense. I'd be seriously irritated if they implied that I was sitting on a cockroach infestation that was about to blow, just because they'd seen one freaking scuttling bug in my bathroom. (Which reminds me, are you aware that the bathroom is a pretty common place to find interloper cockroaches?)
posted by Coatlicue at 6:48 AM on September 14, 2008

Maybe it's a regional thing. In Florida, it's all too common to see a roach or wasp or some other crawling thing in a house, cleanliness notwithstanding. It's the household equivalent of spinach in the teeth. The embarrassment of the moment is easily eclipsed by the relief that someone pointed it out so that it could be dealt with.

If I'm in the same room with my host/hostess when I see a bug, I usually nod toward the insect and ask "Who's your friend?" We can then experience disgust together, share exasperation, and commence an extermination plan for this one bug, thereby bonding through the kill. (If the thing is accessible, I prefer to capture it and release it outside: it's neater, cleaner, and usually the kill is later accomplished by a hungry bird or lizard.)

If I am in another room when I see a bug, I might report the incident and apologize that I wasn't fast enough, alert enough, or unbridled enough to kill it, but offer to point to the direction it was heading in order for the host/hostess to spray the vicinity with something deadly.
posted by Jezebella at 8:12 AM on September 14, 2008

First, you kill that damn bug. Then you tell your host what kind of favor you have provided for them.

Be careful when crushing roaches. Females carry a shitload of eggs and crushing the mom doesn't kill the little roach babies, it just releases them all over the floor. If you squish, spray poison afterward.
posted by HotPatatta at 8:26 AM on September 14, 2008

Where are you? In the South, anyway, it's pretty common to see the big ones ...

Thanks for the regional clue. I'm in the Upper Midwest, where we don't call them "Palmetto Bugs" and winters are cold enough to freeze their little butts off, so they aren't everywhere. An indoor cockroach is kinda rare and considered a probable sign of careless housekeeping — that's why I hesitated so say anything. I agree with moift that immediate action isn't essential, and my hosts will find them soon enough, so I'll just keep my mouth shut. Thanks, everyone!
posted by exphysicist345 at 10:09 AM on September 14, 2008

I wouldn't mention it since you said they are not common in your region.

I lived in a long string of ancient, rotting-from-the-inside Southern towns and they are just a fact of life no matter what you do (in the summer when they are at their worst, every time you take a step on the sidewalk at night you can see a dozen or so scatter and you can hear them crunch-crunch-crunch under your feet - they're that bad). When I had guests over and they saw one we would do like Jezebella said, bond over our mutual hatred and then laugh as my dog commenced his Guantanamo worthy torture routine.
posted by bradbane at 11:57 AM on September 14, 2008

The correct etiquette is to crush all the horrible white gunk out of it with the sole of your shoe, using extreme prejudice. Then clean up the mess with some toilet paper, or a handy tissue, and dispose of it discreetly in the bin. And remember to keep your shoes on at all times.
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:29 PM on September 14, 2008

The correct etiquette is to crush all the horrible white gunk out of it with the sole of your shoe, using extreme prejudice. Then clean up the mess with some toilet paper, or a handy tissue, and dispose of it discreetly in the bin. And remember to keep your shoes on at all times.

This goes back to that recent thread about the wearing of shoes in homes, and why I'm in the "no shoes" camp... It's not just the potential to step on bugs when out and about, but just the notion of walking into public restrooms, and then strolling around the house in those same shoes, no matter how thoroughly they were wiped on the mat in the doorway... Blehhhh.

A paper towel or lots of tissues on a roach would suffice. Even if the news about the mama roaches releasing eggs on the floor also makes me wanna go blehhhh...
posted by TheSecretDecoderRing at 11:50 PM on September 14, 2008

little roach babies make me sick.
posted by nvly at 4:00 AM on September 17, 2008

My gut says: Don't tell them.

Unless you plan to live there for a while, or you know them really well and share all sorts of personal information, don't tell them.

They probably already know. If they don't know - they will know soon. And even then it might not be a big deal. These kind of insects can be dealt with.

When you bring it up, you make it a big deal. If it wasn't a big deal to you, you wouldn't have brought it up.

SO now they have to decide how to handle it. They could be mildly annoyed at you because you are the messenger of bad news. Or they could be annoyed that you expect them to do something about it. Or they could be embarrassed because it suggests they don't keep a clean home.

SO then they have to call an exterminator. Do they need to tell you that? Maybe they will tell you, "Hey, thanks, we're calling an exterminator". Or they could be lying just to get you out of their hair.

I think a single roach doesn't suggest an infestation. It's like pointing out other minor defects in a home. It's like saying - "Hey, you missed a spot"

I did this once when visiting a relatives home. I found some ant-like insects in my cereal. I guess they show up in cereal, flour and wheat. I thought they were gross. I told my aunt-cousin (my mothers cousin), "Did you know there are bugs in the cereal?". She was kind of embarrassed, wasn't quite sure what to do, and then threw the box out. I don't think she wanted to though.

Was I right? Probably. Could I have handled it differently? Yeah. I probably should've asked for eggs and toast for breakfast.



In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. Even if you embarrass them, as long as its not in front of other people, they'll probably forget about it or it won't bother them for long. If it makes you happy, tell them.
posted by abdulf at 12:17 AM on September 20, 2008