How do i communicate better at work

September 12, 2008 2:03 PM

communicating better - not in relationships but at work. I just had my work yearly review and i am technically good, very confident in my manner, enthusiastic and respected for my work. But i am also disorganised, poor at delivering on time and two people have said they don't want to work with me.

I'm an engineer who works with architects / clients and i've been told i don't listen and state solutions before the brief is fully outlined (i.e. i don't listen)

I'm a senior in my team (associates and directors above me / grads and engineers below me) and its starting to pain me when i don't take the time to listen and answer confidently when actually i should be asking more questions....Sometimes its so hard to stop what comes naturally.

They don't teach this at university!

A bit of background, i went to a private school but have always been confident. Now i'm still confident but am worrying about people's perception of me. This sucks. Especially the comment about some not wanting to work with me. That really hurts. I should say that this is my first job where i have stayed for more than 2 years.

Not sure what to do as no friends are in similar jobs (i think) so Mefites please help...

has anyone resolved this themselves? I feel like a big idiot sometimes. Thanks.

posted by Vroom_Vroom_Vroom to work & money (16 comments total)

First, how are you presently scheduling/planning your jobs with others?
Sounds like better organization with your team the key here.
posted by artdrectr at 2:13 PM on September 12, 2008

Make an effort to listen twice as much as you talk. Do not open your mouth for a full five seconds after the other person has stopped making any sort of vocal noise whatsoever. Come up with a few questions for every proposition someone gives you even if you could design it in your sleep and are so bored you'd rather kill yourself. If this begins to wear on you after a while, as I can imagine it might, think about what might allow you to pursue the work you like while avoiding the annoyances.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 2:13 PM on September 12, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Go slower. Take your time. It's not a race or a contest (although it might feel that way sometimes). On both written and verbal communication, take time to review what you're trying to communicate, and then deliver. That will help with a) letting the other person finish before you talk [which is a big deal], and b) ensuring that your communications are clear and accurate.

Confidence is great, but folks will respect you more if they feel that you are taking the time to give a thoughtful, reviewed answer, vs. just spewing the first thing that comes into your head (even if that's the right answer, you can deliver differently).

(p.s. reading your post [words and formatting] above gives me the gut feeling on this -- I could be wrong, but if you're typing so fast that you don't want to take the time to hit the Shift for a capital 'I', you need to slow down).
posted by noahv at 2:14 PM on September 12, 2008

Maybe you could take notes when you are listening.
1. Makes you look attentive.
2. Keeps you from offering up a quick solution.
posted by lee at 2:17 PM on September 12, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

3. Repeat back what you have heard, affirming it. (marriage counseling advise too)
posted by lee at 2:19 PM on September 12, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Seconding lee about taking notes. You can even write down what you were going to say as far as offering a quick solution; that way if it is still relevant you can remember what advice you were going to give and give it later.

Consider that part of your job is not just giving the right answer/a creative solution, but making the person you're giving it to feel alright about it. Pay attention to their facial expression and body language. If you ever notice that you've interrupted, *stop*, apologize, and then listen.

If I were you I'd also try to find out what it is that makes a few people not want to work with you; if you know what exactly the issue is, then it's easier for you to work on it. Even just showing that you want to work on it is a good sign- make it obvious to your peers that you're trying to be more of a listener, if that's the primary issue.
posted by nat at 2:26 PM on September 12, 2008

The tags speak volumes. "Arrogance" might be a key factor here, especially if you don't deliver (delivering late is the same as not delivering). People could handle you interrupting and being rude if you were great, but failing to deliver *and* being bolshy isn't acceptable.

I'd try and turn the humility way, way up. You'll automatically begin asking more and telling less. Be less sure of yourself. And start delivering.
posted by bonaldi at 2:39 PM on September 12, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I would formally schedule (or set aside part of your meetings as) "discovery" for you, where all you do is listen to the other participants about the needs, constraints, goals, deadlines, desires and other agenda at play. All you do it take notes and say, "Thanks, that's helpful for me to know." Then you type that up and...

1) save it for your reference - this will give you something to refer to as you work and ensure you're responding accurately to needs
2) add your open questions and your initial thoughts/design notes about how to meet the project goals - shows you've listened and are contributing in your area, and gives people a sense where things are headed
3) distribute it to participants and other key players who may not have been at the meeting - this will increase your perception as organized and a good listener & communicator. In fact, invite people to correct or refine their original input as they see fit
4) add to the doc based on anything you hear from step #3 and bring to next meeting or one-on-ones about the project. Keep adding to it as a living document.

"poor at delivering on time"
Are you taking on too much or just disorganized. If it's the former, you need to learn how to say "no" in a way that sounds like "yes." (And that's a whole other answer in itself). It it's the latter, I find that a big wall calendar with post-it's for minor and major deliverables helps me because I'm so visual. Find a system that works for you that is impossible to ignore. Sometimes I've scheduled a "not-ready-for-prime-time" meeting with a boss or respected peer (i.e., someone you don't owe the deliverable to) two or three days out from the actual deadline, where I do a rough walk through of my deliverable. It helps clarify things that aren't fully thought out and gets you organized for the real deadline.
posted by cocoagirl at 2:41 PM on September 12, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

artdrectr - The scheduling/organising thing is working itself out. Its the fact two people don't want to work with me that worries me. I don't like it and want to change things.

noahv - Very perceptive. Thanks. I do need to slow down. Its not something I (I capitalised!) do naturally.

lee / nat - I do normally take notes but I think I will now note a solution before saying it. It will slow me down.

The main thought I have is that how did I let things get so bad that the two people won't say who they are and will go to my line manager and say they don't want to work with me....

My main plan is to find out what I did to piss these people off, fix it if I can (within reason) and listen and slow down.

I find it odd that I have mastered the technical aspects (I am always learning but I do know about my field) but now the human / communication bits are what I struggle on.

Thanks all of you again.
posted by Vroom_Vroom_Vroom at 2:43 PM on September 12, 2008

In your review, what exactly did they say about improving your communication? (You say "communicate better" in your title and the first line of your question, but the rest of your question doesn't seem to be about communication.)

I can give you one piece of advice for written communication: with everything you write, re-read it and look for any possible ways it can be misinterpreted. I take a long time to write emails -- I've even rewritten this comment a couple times -- because I want to be sure that I'm saying exactly what I intend to say, with no room for error. It can be a challenge at times, but with practice you will get better at it.

One of the exercises that taught me how to think about this was writing instructions for making a peanut butter sandwich for a person who has never seen or heard of a sandwich in his life. "Spread peanut butter on the bread" - how much peanut butter? All over every surface the bread? On the whole loaf of bread? With your fingers, right? And so on. It's an extreme example, as your coworkers aren't going to be quite so unfamiliar with what you're trying to say, but thinking like this can help a lot.
posted by Metroid Baby at 3:09 PM on September 12, 2008

1- Let people finish talking when they are talking to you.

2- Frame concerns you have as questions, with an eye toward the goal.

Engineer: "Then we'll use pre stressed sandwich board to horizontally mount the Murphy ailerons as they attach to the secondary cantilever."

You: "That will never work!"

is much worse than:

You: "Can prestressed sandwich board handle that kind of load? I thought it's design limits are xxxx."

That shows, presumably correctly, that you aren't interested in a pissing match, but ARE very interested in the success of the project. And you leave yourself to be open to being corrected if your assumptions are wrong.

3- Repeating everything people say is lame. It's a communication tool, but is only useful when you don't understand, or even might not understand. The best way to show that you are listening is to engage on the points the speaker is making, rather than simply waiting your turn to make your points.

4- Carry a clipboard and make notes throughout your day, especially commitments you make to others. It's really easy to forget the simple, yet enraging, things like calling someone when task X is done.
posted by gjc at 3:25 PM on September 12, 2008

Repeating back what others have said is a little simplistic. Show people that you have heard them by integrating their perspectives into your solutions. Be explicit about this: actively highlight how other people's ideas or questions contributed to the conclusion you drew. It's not enough to listen to people if you're not actively considering and applying their expertise and insights. I'm not suggesting that you're an egomaniac or anything; it's just easy to get caught in your own head and focus on the task without seeing how other people feel about the choices being made. By referencing people's concerns and perspectives, you both solve the problem and attend to the interpersonal aspects of the situation.
posted by Help, I can't stop talking! at 4:05 PM on September 12, 2008

If you have never read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People," you must read it. You are technically competent to assist your clients; now you must win their hearts.
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:18 PM on September 12, 2008

I second "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It's an old book, and a quick google should turn up a free pdf version you can download and read for free. It's basically about learning to listen to people, and you'll do well to read a bit of it every morning and work on applying what you've learned to the people you encounter that day.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 9:58 AM on September 13, 2008

I'm not in a professional job so you'll have to decide if my point of view is helpful to you but you sound tough to work with. You seem like a very smart guy who cuts clients off, giving them a solution before they feel like you know what the whole problem is. I wonder if you're trying to prove how intelligent you are to them but instead, you're coming off badly. When you listen to a client, spend the time figuring out exactly what the problem is and what they want in a solution. Ask questions that help define this. Once you understand that, then offer solutions.
I feel more confident about explaining why your people don't want to work with you. You're ticking off clients, are disorganized (which to me means you are going to be hard to get needed info from) and don't get projects done on time. All this makes everyone working with you look bad and up for poor yearly reviews themselves.
Being smart and enthusiastic is a good place to start from. Ask someone who's organized and gets projects done on time for help. You might be able to copy the system they use and save yourself some time. Try to give yourself more time then you think you'll need (Scotty factor) in setting project deadlines. Turn projects in when you say you will. If it means staying late or not taking on other projects, do it.
I've worked with a lot of people and managers and what most people want is someone who doesn't make their life harder and is reasonably pleasant. People will put up with someone easy to work with who's not that bright longer than someone who's very intelligent but tough to work with. Find a way to be intelligent and easy to work with and you're reviews will be good.
posted by stray thoughts at 12:40 PM on September 13, 2008

Talk to your manager. Express the concern you've told us and ask what they'd suggest you change. They will have better feedback than we will because they see you in action.

And they do teach this. As part of that conversation, ask if the company would be able to send you to some sort of business communication or management seminar.
posted by salvia at 6:25 PM on September 13, 2008