No ass. Need jeans.

September 10, 2008 5:41 PM

Suggestions of low-rise jeans for people with no ass?

I'm in the middle of losing weight and I'm at another pants size drop. Here's the thing.

Normal waisted pants hit above my belly button and high waist pants look ridiculous, like I'm trying to pull my pants up over my boobs. However, most low-rise jeans seem to be cut for people with a butt. I have none. It's flat. Like a fleshy pancake. And as I come from a long line of no-assed people, I'm not expecting to develop an ass any time soon. But because the jeans are cut for a butt, the back pockets hang to my thighs.

I'm not the most stylish person, but it looks stupid.

Anyone have suggestions for ladies low-rise jeans in 14-16-18 with small back pockets/no back pockets, or made for people with no ass? Front pockets are pretty important, though, since I cram them with stuff like a six year old.

Please don't suggest men's jeans. I have no ass, but I do have a woman's hips.

posted by FunkyHelix to clothing, beauty, & fashion (11 comments total)

I would suggest hitting up the junior's department, or stores that cater to teenagers. I'm 18, and I often find that jeans from American Eagle, Aeropostale, Charlotte Russe, etc. do not allow for asses. I find they gap at the waist and sag there when they fit elsewhere fine; perhaps you have the shape they seem to be designed for. 14-16-18 might be a tiny bit large for those stores, though. I know I've seen 14-16 there, but I'm not sure about 18.
posted by MadamM at 6:01 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I haven't bought a pair (yet), but I am intrigued by the Victoria's Secret Uplift jeans.
posted by amro at 6:03 PM on September 10, 2008

I should note, because it may not be clear, that the Uplift jeans are made to, well, lift up your butt.
posted by amro at 6:05 PM on September 10, 2008

I'm going to use this as an excuse to post a few denim links, because after 28 years of not wearing them, in the last few months I've bought six pairs and am just addicted to the things.

How much are you willing to spend? If it's a lot, then Ethnic Denim has a wide variety of premium designs.

Denimology will point you to just about every jeans designer on the planet, and has a useful catalogue of pics so you can check out the styles, cuts, fades etc.

But when all is said and done, you really can't go wrong with Diesels.
posted by turgid dahlia at 6:09 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Have your own jeans custom made. And add a small pocket on the ass. Why are you so against pockets on the ass? Small pockets correctly placed make the ass look bigger and higher.
posted by n'muakolo at 7:32 PM on September 10, 2008

Have you tried Zafu.com? It lets you plug in the kind of blue jeans you're looking for and spurts out a list of recommended brands and styles.
posted by schroedinger at 7:34 PM on September 10, 2008

Don't even waste your time in the juniors department; there's a reason it's called juniors. Their sizing is completely different/smaller (hense the use of odd numbers and even numbers in misses).

Regarding pockets, flap pockets will actually make you look like you have a butt. Sometimes pockets placed a little lower will be more flattering on an ass-less woman. Personally, I think the lack of pockets actually places an emphasis on a flat tushy because there's nothing to distract the eye from the flatness of the rear. Trust me, my friend is tush-less and the flap pockets worked wonders.

You didn't mention your ideal price point... but if you can find a store that specializes in denium and try on many different brands, I would highly reccomend that. That's where I found Paige Denim. Super expensive for a pair of jeans, but I love them and I actually have had friends ask for the brand name. If it's not in your price range, at least check out their interactive fit guide to help give you some ideas on the styles of jeans you should try on.

Cheaper option: Gap jeans. I'm pretty sure they carry 14-16 in the store and 18 online. Sometimes it's hit and miss on the fit, but they have some really nice styles. I've found the front of the store/specialty denium to be the best. Carry a big stack with you to the dressing room and try on every style possible, even if you don't think you'll like it. Try it, you might be surprised. Bring an honest friend to help check out your tush status. Remember: flap back pockets are your friend! Plus it'll keep your goodies stowed away safely.

Congrats on the weight loss - shopping for a smaller size is always fun!
posted by MuckWeh at 8:25 PM on September 10, 2008

Just an observation, but I see a lot of people of all sizes wearing jeans where the back pockets are low enough that they're about half on the butt and half on the thigh. For the flatter of butt it can actually be a pretty good look. (I tried on a pair like this and I do have a butt, and it looked like my butt was folding the pockets in half. Not good.)

Most "premium" denim lines don't go above about a size 10-12, which is infuriating, plus if you keep up the weight loss there's not much point in spending $178 on something that will be too big in three months. I've gone up and back down in size over the past few years, and I have almost always been able to find something at Gap or Old Navy. I second grabbing one of every style and trying them all on - you never know how they'll look until they're actually on your butt.
posted by Metroid Baby at 5:29 AM on September 11, 2008

On the cheap end: Lane Bryant and Fashion Bug have RightFit pants. The "yellow square" series is totally cut for the assless, and the proportion of the pockets is also different. I've found the online descriptions of where the waist hits to be pretty accurate, if you want to sort out your options ahead of time.
posted by gnomeloaf at 5:32 AM on September 11, 2008

I'm generally a size 18 myself, and I am also assless. I've had luck with Old Navy and Gap jeans, as well as jeans from Alloy.com. Alloy sells "junior plus" clothing, which fits me fairly well. I guess "juniors" aren't supposed to have asses. Make sure you pay attention to the measurements, not the sizes, because they won't match up to the women's sizes you're accustomed to wearing.
posted by crankylex at 6:10 AM on September 11, 2008

In the 14-16 range you might try the Easy Rider or the Classic Rider, plus a casual belt. I found that as I lost weight, having a belt meant you could make your jeans last a little longer before getting a new pair. Lane Bryant is a good choice but if you're *really* short waisted, you might find they still go to high.

I found that walking and doing stairs made whatever butt I had look a little better.
posted by fiercekitten at 9:45 AM on September 11, 2008