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September 9, 2008 7:07 AM   RSS feed for this thread Subscribe

Just what do you think about banks? I work at one, and I want to know, are we ever going to be your cool friend?

Internally, we spend a lot of our day thinking about ourselves and our products and how to better market both. We tweak our account types, redesign branches, create "value added" options, and so on. We think that -- if we just try hard enough -- you'll cherish your relationship with your bank, the same way you might with Whole Foods or Apple or MetaFilter. However ... sometimes I think we're just fooling ourselves, and that there's nothing we could ever do to make going to the bank more enjoyable than, say, going to the post office or the dry cleaners. Am I right to worry?
posted by phoeniciansailor to work & money (82 comments total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
A bank is a utility. It provides a product that consists entirely of a set of numerical features (interest rates, etc.) Unlike Apple, there's no fashion element; unlike Whole Foods, you don't have veggies. I interact with my bank entirely online - your branches are just ATM outposts for me.

I don't have a relationship with my bank to cherish.It's worse than Dell vs Apple - you're a freaking utility, as sexy and interesting as the guys who sell me natural gas or water.
posted by Tomorrowful at 7:13 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


You're wrong to want us to be your friend. I use a credit union, there's no profit, no red-lining, no B.S. They exist to make banking easier, donate money to local peace groups, and generally make loans to improve areas of the city with positive businesses and homes. They're expanding and growing responsibly. I moved away from the city, but still keep my account there. People ask me why and I'm just like "I had a bank before that for years, with all the branding marketing b.s., and I'll never go back to it after being part of the credit union, because branding is a paint job on a bank, but my credit union reflects my values." Worry away.
posted by history is a weapon at 7:15 AM on September 9, 2008 [8 favorites]


My bank (USAA) is my cool friend because of their stellar customer service. I can call anytime and speak to a real, live human being with a good attitude and an answer to my question. Every time.
posted by nitsuj at 7:16 AM on September 9, 2008 [8 favorites]


I think it's easier to develop a 'relationship' with a grocery store than a bank, because food is part of a whole set of social rituals. You only really notice your bank when something goes wrong. I like my bank just fine, mostly because I never have to think about it when I don't want to, and because there's lots of branches. I don't use a terribly large variety of banking services, though, so maybe others have other opinions. Business owners especially.
posted by echo target at 7:16 AM on September 9, 2008


Biggest improvement, IMO:

Stop fucking people with stupid charges that represent no work on your part. I once was charged $5 for checking my account balance more than 4 times in a month. Wachovia circa 2001.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:16 AM on September 9, 2008 [3 favorites]


I have only good things to say about my day-to-day bank (TD Canada Trust and its investment arm TD Waterhouse, if you're interested). The people on the phone are nice and helpful, their online interface is great, their e-funds are a great product, they're open 8 to 8, and they went out of their way to help me get a mortgage as a new immigrant when other banks slammed doors in my face. All of those things are big big positives as far as I'm concerned, and I definitely tell people I've had good experiences.

I also like physically going to the branch - but lets be honest, that's because it generally means I'm depositing a cheque, putting a lump sum payment into my mortgage or something similar. The free chocolate, better class of muzak and smiling receptionist or whatever don't improve my day, and I'm not entirely daft; I still keep my savings with ING.
posted by jamesonandwater at 7:17 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


I cherish my bank (Commerce Bank). You will find that there is a loy of loyalty to Commerce Bank in the mid-Atlantic states. They were the first to really take customer's needs into consideration in terms of convenience. Years before other banks thought of doing it, they had evening and weekend hours. They also have a 24-hour customer service line that is answered by a human being. Oh, and the Penny Arcade, of course, among other things. The interior is bright and cheery, similar at all branches but with a mural of a local scene. The people are friendly and very customer service oriented.

Of course, I think they were just bought out or merged, so this could all change.
posted by amro at 7:19 AM on September 9, 2008


You know what?

If banks would just be NICE, and stop screwing people over with fees and fee-fees, and understand that sometimes people's lives do not enmesh completely with the working hours of the bank, and try to connect on a human level with their customers, and point people toward financial products that will help them and not hurt them financially -- the bank that did that would sell itself.

My credit union is almost there, but not quite. The majority of the non-credit-union banks I've dealt with have had horrific service and predatory practices. Not the kind of thing a good relationship is based on.
posted by fiercecupcake at 7:19 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


phoeniciansailor: We think that -- if we just try hard enough -- you'll cherish your relationship with your bank, the same way you might with Whole Foods or Apple or MetaFilter.

But you're not anything like Apple or Whole Foods! You don't want us to be your "cool friends!" The only reason you'd think so is because you work in marketing or somewhere low on the totem pole. Didn't you get the memo? Banks' profit margin on everyday consumers is minimal; banks only make money on things like mortgages and other larger-ticket loans. I mean, come on- Whole Foods' market makes money even if I don't buy ten 500-pound pallets of rice at a time.

I'm never going to get a mortgage. I don't like borrowing money. I have a debit card and I have checks. You remember? Those things you guys tried to throw at me for free? You only throw those things at us for free to convince me to trust you enough to borrow huge amounts of money from you. That's a pretty useless value proposition for me.

Also, corporations and companies will never be my "cool friends." Whole Foods isn't my "cool friend." Apple isn't anybody's "cool friend." You're either in marketing or you've spent too much time talking to someone who is; my advice is, stop thinking this way and disassociate yourself with everything having to do with marketing, even if only for the sake of your own soul.

Companies earn respect from consumers by creating useful and worthwhile products that make life easier or better. Do that with banks. Redesigned branchs, "value added" options, and so on, have nothing to do with the fundamental nature of banking, and will therefore change nothing about the general attitude people have toward banks.

So, if you'd like to change the way people feel about banks, I guess you'd have to go to Wall Street and change banking. Good luck.
posted by koeselitz at 7:23 AM on September 9, 2008 [4 favorites]


1. I guess you'll hear this a lot, but don't become known for doing shenanigans with fees and surcharges.

2. Please pick a good online banking system to represent you, and don't just buy the sales pitch. Test drive it. Bad interfaces are a source of frustration when we're paying bills. And pleeze try to keep something more than the last 45 days online.

3. We have to visit your branch to even begin banking there. That's what I think about when I think of the bank. Please ditch the stuffy furniture and 10-year old Rod & Reel magazines. Put in comfy chairs, cool magazines. Have a table with some quality coffee, not burnt Folgers, and some bottled water and maybe fruit juice. Some snacks, like a little pack of peanuts or some M&M's would be a good touch, because sometimes we come in and are on the go.

4. The phone number should go to a human being with no more than one phone hop for anything. Do not start getting into menu trees and "para espanol, marque dos" territory. I like my regional bank because I get a human right away, and on the same token I loathed Bank of America (3 hops and 20 minutes on hold just to order some checks back in 2000!)

5. Please don't be confused when I want to exchange some foreign money or cash a foreign check. You're a bank. Make sure all your tellers know what to do with stuff like this or know how to refer me to another business that can assist me.
posted by crapmatic at 7:24 AM on September 9, 2008


I hate the bank cause I hate money. Money is the root cause of a lot of the stress in my life, and the bank just represents that to me. The bank will never be a place I enjoy going to - ever.
posted by All.star at 7:25 AM on September 9, 2008


You are correct to worry: as mentioned above, banks are utilities. I drop them instantly when someone comes along with a better proposition. Convenience and maximum return rules the day.
posted by aramaic at 7:26 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


The more my bank stays out of my way and the less I have to think about it, the better. My interactions with it should be free, easy, and fast. You're starting with 100 points and can only lose them; not 0 points and gaining.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:26 AM on September 9, 2008


Yeah I don't think cool friend may be what you want, I'd think more like benevolent uncle or something. If you're a bank, you are in an implicit power relationship with people because you have their money and you can impose fees on them legally for various things. This gives people a feeling of powerlessness and [as you can see in a few comments above] frustration. I also have a credit union and while they are not my cool friend, I do have constant positive feelings for them because

- every interaction with them has been positive
- I can contact them in ways that work for me [i.e. online chat]
- they are very transparent about their fee structure and there are no suprises
- they have never been bought by another bank
- they never make me feel that anything I want to do with my money or my finances is wrong, they act like they are there to help me make my decisions, not upsell me or try to trick me into paying them more money.

So really it's mostly the absence of problems but also generally speaking the fact that they do not get in my way. I can get money when I need it, move it aorund when I need to and contact someone when I have questions. Their website is decent, their people are friendly and other than that, they're just not in my way. I cherish that.
posted by jessamyn at 7:27 AM on September 9, 2008


Well, I do cherish my relationship with my bank.

AS LONG AS

In short, act like a responsible citizen rather than a force unto yourself. I'm a banker by profession and education, have a couple of Masters in Finance and some accounting qualifications and I'm (almost consistently) amazed at the double talk that banks try to get away with.

And this is in The UK where the regulatory framework is much, much more pro-consumer than back in The United States.

I've taken three of the big banks here to The Banking Ombudsman when dealing with complaints. Tip: the call centre staff of most banks can and will dole our £50 on the spot in response to a (justified) complaint rather than go to The Ombudsman. The time and paperwork to defend themselves costs just that much money.

Most retail banks try far too often to fool people.

And most people are far too passive and forgiving, far too complacent to put it in writing and get some satisfaction, justification that, in my view, only money back from The Bank in question can provide.

I still haven't found a bank where The Honeymoon doesn't end after a year or two. I'm still looking, and maybe sometime I'll try your bank.

Get your checquebook out, 'cause I'm not expecting much.
posted by Mutant at 7:32 AM on September 9, 2008 [3 favorites]


I walked into a bank the other day and the employees were all dressed like they worked at Blockbuster. Wear business attire and keep normal bankers' hours. I don't trust banks open at night and on Sunday.
posted by Zambrano at 7:32 AM on September 9, 2008


I think it depends on what kind of bank you are and what generation of people you want to form this "relationship" with.

My family has banked with the same small, regional bank here in the Midwest for as long as I can remember. My parents and their generation actually go inside the bank for every transaction. I don't know if they even have internet banking. They have gotten to know the staff and feel they can trust them. They enjoy going to the bank.

I am a member of the same bank and go to the same small town branch. I absolutely hate going in the bank. I even hate going through the drive through. Why? Because those people want to be my friend. They know my parents and want to have the same relationship with me. In my mind, the bank is just a utility and if I could get by just using internet banking, I would. I don't want some nosy gossip trying to get me to make conversation with them while I wait. I think a lot of people my age (upper 20's) feel the same way and would go out of their way to avoid this, but around here I don't have much choice.
posted by bristolcat at 7:35 AM on September 9, 2008


Seconding USAA, it's the one bank I have always had a great relationship with.
posted by iamabot at 7:36 AM on September 9, 2008


I sometimes feel like banks forget that it's my money, and that I worked hard for it. It should be easy for me to do do what I want with it. Fast, easy and free, as the commenter above mentioned. I want to be minimally aware of the bank between me and my money.

I also hate thinking about how much of my interest rate is determined by the need to pay big bonuses to city bankers.
posted by generichuman at 7:38 AM on September 9, 2008


Context is key when it comes to marketing. Please pay attention to the person, not just their problem. If I call my bank to get my loan finalized after spending five hours at the dealer? That is not the time to tell me about your exciting new home equity product. (Surprisingly, that was USAA.)

Also, please don't lie. I went to an out-of-town branch of a bank that rhymes with "mace." They took one look at my non-local deposit slip and offered to sign me up for an account service that they claimed was free. It wasn't...and it wasn't like I was going to come back and tear them a new one once I found out, either. Unfortunately, I'll remember that a lot longer than I'd remember courteous service.

Executive summary: Upselling takes more skill and scruples than most people think.
posted by gnomeloaf at 7:39 AM on September 9, 2008


Its all about customer service.

If you set a goal for your bank to give the customer 100% satisfaction with every transaction...

If you set a goal for your staff to give the customer the best deal anywhere... "we'll match what any bank can do for you..."

Customers want service. They want someone to help them, not someone to charge them fees, ask them to fill out forms, and stick it to them when there is a problem.
posted by ewkpates at 7:42 AM on September 9, 2008


As others have noted, yeah, the whole "viciously assault us with nasty fees whenever you get a chance" is not a good mesh with "cool friend." I mean, I understand that's your business plan; you make money, you do what you gotta do. But it's really not compatible with making anyone cherish you. It's just flatly incompatible.

Here's another problem: Nobody sees what bank you use. I mean, okay, I guess people you're paying see what bank you're writing a check from, but it's not like bumping into your neighbors at Whole Foods ("Oh, you also enjoy all-organic salad mixes?") or being seen with an iPod on the street. A big part of the "cool friend" factor is your real-life friends, which are not a factor here.

So let's ask the question this way: Why are other brands capable of being cool? Is it customer service? Because you guys are only avoiding having an even worse reputation than you do, as an industry, by sitting next to airlines and cable and cell companies that are even worse. Is it fashionability? Well, how the heck does a bank become fashionable, when its products consist entirely of semi-cryptic numbers? Fact is, we - me and "you" - only ever interact when I'm executing a transaction I want to be done with as soon as possible - and half the time, you randomly charge me for it. Yay! Best friends!
posted by Tomorrowful at 7:43 AM on September 9, 2008


I'm a member of a credit union and I love them. Not in the 'yay you're my friend way' but in the 'yay you don't try to purposefully fuck me over way like I hear other bigger name banks tend to do.'

I don't like things that are a hassle. I don't like places that force me to come in person to do every little tiny thing. (For instance, my dad can cash checks for me and do all sorts of other goodness so I don't have to go out of my way to do it.) I don't like ATM fees. I don't like being made to feel like I'm a burden (FYI, going out of the country shouldn't be A MAJOR HASSLE COMPLETE WITH HUFFING OVER THE PHONE.)
posted by sperose at 7:44 AM on September 9, 2008


I don't want my bank to be "cool" and "friendly," really. I deal with it only online and through the ATM. I just want to get my business done as quickly as possible with no hassle and no unreasonable charges.

In other words, yes, it is like a utility for me, just like turning on and off the light switch. That's all I want. The "cool" part of electricity isn't the switch or the plug. It's what I plug into it and what I do with it, and I look to the utility for that. Likewise, the "cool" part of money is what I do (or don't do) with it.
posted by Robert Angelo at 7:44 AM on September 9, 2008


The things I hate about my bank tend to be the stupidity of who can do what when. If you want people to not hate you, you have to make sense. Talking to my bank is like trying to hold a conversation with an insane asylum. Everyone seems to be in totally separate little worlds and while they're sort of all vaguely maybe talking about what you want to talk about, the responses you get are so varied and insane as to be useless.

Here's a fun example from a few years back:

I needed to pay my housing bill for my university. The money was in my savings account at the branch back home, I needed to do a bill payment at the branch near my school that held my chequing account. Both accounts were attached to my same bank card.

I went into the branch and asked to do the bill payment, but was denied on the grounds that the $4000 was in the other branch's account, and that $4000 was over my daily withdrawal limit on my card, so they'd need to check a signature on file with the branch back home which was closed that day so they couldn't. The fact that they'd obviously decided I was the same person when they'd hooked both cards up to the same damned card, and thus could have checked my signature against the card *they* had on file didn't fly. I was trying to do a payment on a bill that was in my name with money from accounts that were in my name, it wasn't like this was a highly likely scenario for fraud in any case. Adding to the stupidity is the fact that I'd had that savings account since I was five years old. I'm guessing that my signature as an 18 year old was a tad different. What with not being scrawled in purple crayon and all.

Instead, I got my mother to overnight me a cheque to pay the bill directly to my school. At great expense, I might add, since overnighting things across Canada doesn't come cheap.

A week or so later, I was moving some money via the ATM and discovered that if you use the ATM, there's no transfer limit between accounts on the same card. So in the bill payment situation, I could have walked 20 feet to the right, transferred the money into my chequing account and had them pay the bill from there, all with no hassle at all.

2 weeks or so later, I lost my bank card. I went into my bank and without doing anything more than checking my ID they handed me a brand new bank card and PIN.

So, to summarize. If you show up at the bank in person, you can't get money that's in your name to pay bills in your name unless a branch half way across the country says you are who you say you are based on a 13 year old signature. On the other hand, if you just go over to the shiny machine, they'll happily move that money around with no proof that you are who you say you are, though you can only have a bit of it in cash. On the third hand, if you just show up and claim to be the person whose card you don't have and ID you do have, they'll give you a shiny piece of plastic that lets you have all of that person's money forever and ever amen with no questions asked.

Similarly, I can buy some investments online and others over the phone and others in the branch, but only some things can be changed online, and most things have to be changed in the branch, even though the branch had nothing to do with me having those things in the first place. It's insane how little synergy there is between the different ways of dealing with my bank.

That said, the one thing my bank does that makes up for all the other stupid-assed shit they do is waive a $20 month wire-transfer fee for receiving my paycheque by wire. Of course that's kind of a silly to thing to like them for, since they're the ones charging the fee in the first damned place, but somehow, it still works like magic. So, basically, if you want people to stop hating you, you have to stop making user fees your primary source of profit. Especially stupid, itty-bitty transactional fees that we all know come nowhere near reflecting even the amortized cost of doing a transaction of that nature.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:48 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


Yeah, I also cherish my bank, USAA. Nice, friendly customer service, no crazy fees. I think those two are both sufficient and necessary for bank cherisment.
posted by bluejayk at 7:50 AM on September 9, 2008


This may not apply to your bank specifically, but you could do with a lot less "value added" services and a lot more basic training for your employees. Every time I try to do something non-standard with a teller (and a non-standard transaction is the only reason I'd really go to a teller instead of an ATM) everything grinds to a halt while the teller asks the person on each side and then eventually has to call a supervisor.

Also, the agreements that I have had to sign for my "client card" (debit) are way unreasonable. Unfortunately I can't really operate without it. The example I remember is that if someone else uses my client card, then I must prove that I did not provide them with the PIN. This is not only stupid, but also impossible. Being told to "just sign it" as if I'm a elementary school troublemaker when I asked about this clause didn't help matters.

These experiences are with Canadian banks of pretty much every major chain.

More recently, RBC ran a promotion for a free Eee PC which wasn't too onerous (and wasn't available only to non-customers). TD has run something similar with iPod Nano. As long as these things aren't too difficult and hoop-filled for the customer, they're a fun way to increase customer base.
posted by ODiV at 7:56 AM on September 9, 2008


How about you be the "cool" bank that doesn't draft stack (or whatever you call it locally). I'm talking about ordering charges on a person's account from largest to smallest in order to generate the most fees should they overdraft, instead of just putting them through in the order they were charged.

I've dropped two banks that did this the second it happened to me, and finally found a local one that assured me that they don't do that. Guess what, I thought they were "cool," or at least not predatory.

Oh, and add some consumer protection to your debit cards.
posted by Willie0248 at 7:57 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


I don't want my bank to be my cool friend. I want them to look after my money and not charge me for doing nothing.

As previously mentioned, banks largely make money by screwing people over, you're not going to make friends that way.

If you really want to make a difference to how your customers feel about you:

1. Give higher interest rates on all savings accounts
2. Lower interest rates on loans/mortgages/overdrafts
3. Scrap all fees and charges
4. Have enough staff in local call centers that phone queues are rare and short
5. All staff should be highly trained, intelligent and knowledgeable
6. Open branches at convenient times for working people
7. Have enough staff in branches that queue times are never longer than 5 minutes
8. Have excellent online banking facilities
9. Don't send me spam email or post trying to sell me stuff
10. When I do want to buy something, don't try to upsell me

Then you'll be the best bank in the world and people still wouldn't cherish you or be proud to be associated with your 'brand'. Banks should focus on sensible ideas to make the most out of their customers money and providing good customer service not marketing gimmicks.


In terms of in-branch stuff:

Open outside of normal office hours so people don't have to spend their entire lunch break queuing.
Train staff better so they can process people more quickly and be more knowledgeable about their products.
posted by missmagenta at 7:57 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


That should read "if someone else uses my client card to steal my money, then I must prove that I did not provide them with the PIN."
posted by ODiV at 7:59 AM on September 9, 2008


I don't have a "relationship" with my grocery store or my computer provider or my cable service or my bank. I have relationships with people. The more invisible, seamless, fast, and convenient they are the better. This doesn't mean "open 24-hrs/7-days" either, just hours set so I can get dinner or change for the laundry after I get home from work.

That being said, I have banked at the same place for most of my life, mostly because I rarely have to deal with them directly, and when I have, I've had courteous human beings helping me out.

So I'm basically echoing everyone else above - be open decent hours, have internet banking that's secure and ATMs that are trustworthy and scattered reasonably thickly in town (to save on fees), don't dick around with excessive fees, and let me deal with competent, knowledgeable, courteous people when I need help (instead of a computer system). You don't have to give me something to drink or eat or entertain me. You have to be a bank.

Again - I cannot be friends with a bank. Its an institution. Friends are people.
posted by sandraregina at 8:04 AM on September 9, 2008


Nthing a lot of people here. I don't want the bank to be my buddy. I want the bank to be friendly and courteous, but that is different.

I joined a bank several years ago, and afterward they started making wacky commercials and overhauled all of their branches to resemble a GAP. It drove me crazy. I don't want my bank to be hilarious or casual. I want my bank to be professional.
posted by blapst at 8:08 AM on September 9, 2008


One more little anecdote of a thing a bank did that I really thought was sort of exceptional. I used to bank with SeaFirst back before they were swallowed by some toxic megabank. They had this deal where if you waited more than five minutes in line for a teller, they'd give you five bucks. They had signs to this effect in the lobby and a big clock where you could check how long you'd been in line. This meant that when I had to go in to the bank to do a transaction, I was either going to be out of there in five minutes, or I was going to have five bucks in my pocket.

If you did wait in line for five minutes [and my experience was that this happened about a third of the time] you just told the teller "I've been here more than five minutes" and they'd have you sign some slip of paper and give you a five dollar bill, no hassle. This sent the message, to me, that the bank was willing to act as if my time was important to them and actually DO something instead of just saying "your time is important to us" and then acting the same old way they always acted.
posted by jessamyn at 8:11 AM on September 9, 2008 [3 favorites]


wow... i think you touched a few nerves. Money is very personal and I think banks have made it too commercial for most people. Let's face it, people work hard for their money and when a bank throws "free" around to get you in the door and then nit picks you with little fees it starts to rankle. Most fees are over inflated and completely bogus.
I like what someone said about the Credit Unions. I have to agree, they are much more practical and less in your face than banks.
Currently, I have relationships with 4 banking instituations and they each serve their own purpose... but my favorite account is with HSBC Premier; when I visit them, they remember me and even know my banking habits. And I absolutely LOVE the fact they have an 800 line with REAL PEOPLE open 24 hours a day. That's right, real people 24 hours a day!!
And just today I discovered Bank of America decided to suddenly start charging an account a fee, even though it's NOT in my agreement. What's sad is it's not the first time BOA has done this. Grrrr.
At least you care enough to ask. Maybe you're in the wrong industry. :)
posted by MuckWeh at 8:19 AM on September 9, 2008


the one thing my bank does that makes up for all the other stupid-assed shit they do is waive a $20 month wire-transfer fee

The fact that they charge you for incoming wires is a problem by itself. No bank should ever charge you for receiving money.
posted by oaf at 8:24 AM on September 9, 2008


I bank at a small town bank that has fresh cookies in the lobby. COOKIES! The people know me by name and they're unfailingly friendly.

But I really only bank there because they're within spitting distance of my house. The second we move, I'll be switching to some big bank with lots of branches.
posted by desjardins at 8:25 AM on September 9, 2008


MuckWeh just reminded me of something else that really irks me about my bank - its all the terms and conditions and small print that they're always changing. Several times a year (usually when the bank changes their interest rates) I get a 6 page leaflet of new terms and conditions for all their various products (and the account I signed up for is never listed so I guess they changed the name and forgot to tell me or the leaflet just doesn't apply to my account) I have no idea what the interest rate on my savings account is but the amount I get seems to be a lot less than the figure they advertised (5.5%)
posted by missmagenta at 8:26 AM on September 9, 2008


I don't give a damn about the bank, but I do value relationships with people. I live in a small town, and the local branch of my bank is four blocks away. At the desk just inside the front door the same woman has been sitting for the last 10 years or so, addressing me by my first name, getting stupid charges waived, notarizing titles when I sell a car and otherwise helping me out on the rare occasions when I have a banking issue the ATM doesn't solve for me. She knows me enough to take my concerns seriously, so I don't spend the first 15 minutes of every interaction trying to convince a stranger that my issue is legitimate, feeling brushed off. She is the unique resource other nearby banks can't duplicate, and the only thing that inspires any loyalty in me.
posted by jon1270 at 8:27 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


Here's my advice to banks: Make your money on the spread between lending rates and savings rates. It's a lucrative profit center and can fund your entire operation. Stop treating every little service and convenience as an excuse to gouge more fees out of your customers.
Also, everything is handled by computers and databases now. It doesn't take three days to process a payment or a funds transfer. It probably takes three milliseconds. How much extra profit do you make by hanging on to our money for those extra 3 days?
posted by rocket88 at 8:30 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


I would indeed like to find a bank that I could consider my "cool friend", or .. at least one that I don't see as an adversary.

Right now, anytime I have to interact with my bank, I go in already expecting conflict -- I see them as my opponent, and we're fighting over MY money. If you, or your bank, wants to be my friend, you first have to tackle that obstacle. Convince me that we BOTH have the same goals for MY money, and you've made a huge first step towards me liking the bank.

I'd say the biggest step towards convincing me that we both have the same goals for MY money is to stop trying to come up with better ways to take it from me. Overdraft fees are a crock, in my opinion. If the money is not in the account, decline the card. I'm a big boy, i can deal with the embarrassment. In fact, I'd prefer it over a $35 fee. But you know, I'll even compromise with a bank, because I know overdrafts are one of the big moneymakers. Change your fee to a percentage of the transaction, or $35, whichever is less. That way, the coke I bought for $1.30 doesn't end up costing me $36.30. That alone will get you a LONG way towards my friendship.

Banks ARE currently a utility, as so many posters are saying, but with a bit of intelligence, they could change that role. I've seen title cards in my bank calling people "Financial Advisor"... If these people could actually aid me with the service their title suggests (and "Have you tried our new savings account?" does not help there), I'd be more inclined to see you as an ally, rather than an opponent. There is a severe lack of financial understanding in this country, and banks are in a position that they could help that. (I realize that much of a bank's money is made through that lack of financial understanding, and this is likely a pipedream, but if you're looking for my trust...)

Long story short (too late), I value my time, and my money. When a bank can at least convince me they appreciate those values, they'll likely be much closer to being my friend, or at least my ally.
posted by frwagon at 8:33 AM on September 9, 2008 [2 favorites]


It might be worth having a look at the sort of services that some banks offer high net worth customers. If you run a reasonable sized company or have a sufficiently large sum of money to look after then you can have a named banker who comes to call on you, sits down to help you work out financial plans, is able to know which of a range of expert colleagues to ask for specialist help and who genuinely has the potential to save you a lot of money and stress. Many of the attributes of a friend - even of a "cool friend". All for a handsome fee of course.
posted by rongorongo at 8:42 AM on September 9, 2008


Just to clarify: are you talking about actually going in to the bank, in person? (I've never done that, and I heart my bank.) Or are you talking about the general banking experience, including ATMs, the website, and the various types of accounts and services offered?

USAA! USAA! USAA!
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:49 AM on September 9, 2008


I've had two accounts with two British high street banks. One is awesome (though could improve). The other has sucked for as long as I have had it. I'm about to cancel it. The difference? People.

Royal Bank of Scotland are my main bank, and they're (generally) superb. They have a policy of always having a direct line to the branch you signed up with. I know the staff at that branch, and most of them have dealt with me at some point, so they are quick, courteous, familiar without being over-familiar, and often bend over backward to sort things out for me. They helped me through years of pretty rubbish financial decisions I made after university, and now I'm not bouncing direct debits and cheques every month, they're great to work with. I had my card cloned and £600 nicked, and they'd sorted it out within a week. They've arranged short-term overdrafts that have saved my bacon at least twice, with no quibbling and no impersonal 'computer says no' answers. They appear to devolve responsibility for credit decisions and so on to their branch managers, meaning I feel like I'm dealing with an actual human being.

They've also introduced lots of excellent money management tools. They have a mobile phone client I can use to check balances etc. They have text alerts I can customise to tell me if my balance falls below a certain level, or text me once a week with a balance. They have really good, simple, fast online banking. They call me every six months to do an account review, that, while it's ultimately designed to sell me products and services, doesn't feel like a sales call.

Halifax Bank of Scotland, by contrast, are bloody awful. Basically, take everything good above and invert it. Impersonal call centres, crap service, slow response. I moved over a year ago, have sent them three letters, and my statements are still going to my old address.

One thing all banks could do better is their charging systems. In the UK, most current accounts are nominally 'free', i.e. there's no regular charge for banking, taking money out etc. However, banks here regularly charge you £28 or £38 for bouncing a cheque or going overdrawn, even by a penny. But worst of all, they wait exactly 30 days before they deduct the charge, meaning it's always right at the end of the month, and if you're on a really tight budget, it'll nudge you into the red again, which leads to another charge. Some banks (including HBOS) charge you for every single transaction that ends with an overdrawn figure, so you might have £120 of charges in a day. I shudder to think at the amount of money I have handed over to them in the past.

Make things easier. That's the message. Make dealing with you a pleasure, don't sell us things we can't afford, give us tools to manage our money, encourage us to save and give us accounts that encourage it and finally put real people in front of it all.

Saving money, reducing debt and managing money effectively can be one of the most morale-building, opportunity-creating, loyalty-creating experiences an individual can do - help people form a positive relationship with their money and you'll be a bank people will want to do business with. Seriously, cos very few of your competitors are.
posted by Happy Dave at 8:51 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


My cool friend never deactivates my credit and debit cards when I visit Canada. My cool friend doesn't do this even if I call in advance and tell them I'll be in Canada so don't shut off the damn cards this time.
posted by terpia at 8:53 AM on September 9, 2008 [2 favorites]


Agreed with everybody saying I don't want my bank to be my cool friend. That is so misguided, I don't know where to start.

Anecdote: I tried banking at a local credit union. They were awful. I mean, the folks there were genuinely helpful and friendly. The location was pretty convenient. But their online-banking website was like something out of 1995. Worst of all was the fact that we constantly would see spurious charges for fraudulent transactions that would temporarily appear in our transaction history, and then disappear a few days later (I've never seen this happen at any other bank). Until one day we wrote a big check that was almost for the full amount in that account, and there was another fraudulent charge that actually got debited, causing our check to bounce. Everybody at the bank was very helpful and friendly about trying to resolve this, but it still took about two months to get everything squared away, with at least four visits to the branch.

Anecdote: I'm not rich, but I've got an investment account at an investment firm. I can call up or e-mail the secretary of my rep there. She knows who I am. I can ask her a question or ask her to take care of something, and she just does it. That's pretty cool.

Don't try to make going to the bank enjoyable. We're not going to do more banking just because we like hanging out there, and it'll just increase your payroll costs if we do. I mean, what are you going to do, put a Starbuck's in the lobby?

Try to make going to the bank unnecessary. USAA and (I think) a few other financial institutions let you scan checks, and deposit them by uploading the scanned image.
posted by adamrice at 8:55 AM on September 9, 2008


If my bank started offering free financial workshops on basic topics (saving, debt, big purchases, budgeting) I would be delighted and charmed (you care!) – if any only if there were no hard sell in providing for-pay related services.
posted by cowbellemoo at 8:55 AM on September 9, 2008 [3 favorites]


There was a great article in Harvard Business review that touched on this. Commerce Bank focuses on customer service, but their interest rates are significantly lower than competitors'.

Really, there is no good reason why you should be the cool friend unless it benefits your business to do so. Chances are, it won't, it will benefit your business to do something else, like charge stupid fees.

If you must, you could brand yourself and then distribute excellent, exclusive, branded materials to your better customers.
posted by sondrialiac at 8:57 AM on September 9, 2008


Actually, if you put a Starbucks in the lobby, that would help.

A Starbucks where they would walk over to deliver your drink while you're in line.
posted by sondrialiac at 9:01 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


My cool friend drinks a lot and plays video games and has a do-nothing job that pays a lot. I want my bank to be like my Dad who works hard and isn't irresponsible.

That said, Commerce Bank is my day-to-day back of choice because it's at least friendly. Their customer service is AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA+++++++++++++++++++++, their services are easy to use and they give me free things like pens and banks and lolipops.

That said, for my serious investments, I look elsewhere. A bank is a business and I'll deal with all manners of shenanigans if it means I see a little extra scratch at the end of the term.
posted by GilloD at 9:03 AM on September 9, 2008


The bank would become one of the service-providers I value and appreciate if they stopped trying to screw me with minutia such as my current bank's policy that when someone overdrafts, to charge the biggest charge first and then smaller ones.

One example from last year:

Day 1 balance: $200

Day 1 charge: McDonalds, $5
Day 1 charge: Safeway, $10
Day 2 charge: Coffee, $2.50
Day 2 charge: McDonalds, $5
Day 3 charge: McDonalds, $5
Day 4 charge: check for $200

What did my bank do? It applied the $200 check to my account *first* then let me rack up $150 in extra overage charges by applying the small charges (McDonalds, etc) after the first charge.

I had to get on the phone, beg and plead and even though this was the first time this has ever happened to me, they only reduced the overage charges by a small sum.

This is a policy designed to screw consumers like me, perhaps consumers who should have been more careful, but really should have gotten *one* overdraft charge rather than six. If you want to be my friend, be a business I can trust not one that needs constant oversight to make sure you don't screw me.
posted by arnicae at 9:14 AM on September 9, 2008


Yes, terpia -- it was a barrel of laughs to get my card shut off when I was in Europe even though I specifically called and let them know in advance! Or how about the time they shut off my card when I was in the middle of filling up my rental car gas tank all the way across the country, then told me they couldn't turn it back on again and in fact, would be holding my money hostage until they looked into some fraudulent activity on my account.

My boyfriend works in IT for a bank and so we have our accounts there, but I miss Wainwright, my old bank in Boston. "Socially progressive banking" plus bank managers who are really, really nice and HUMAN (I will never forget the manager not only pulling dog biscuits out of his desk for my dachshund but practically encouraging her to climb onto his desk -- this was right after we moved when she was still being freaky about staying alone in new house).

I hate new bank trying to lure you in with stupid shit like a free iPod. That'd be nice if you'd offered it to me FOUR WEEKS AGO when I was opening my account, and besides, who's really paying for those iPods, you know?

Also, getting charged for incoming wired money is incredibly freaking lame. I'm self employed, I need to keep all the money I earn, you know?
posted by bitter-girl.com at 9:19 AM on September 9, 2008


I do my banking at my smalltown credit union and I will never go back to using an actual bank. With a credit union, the feeling is "we're all in this together" whereas at a bank, the feeling is "we want your money so we can build a new branch office next year." Seriously, the banks in my town are constantly remodeling and looking fancier and fancier, while the credit union is content to remain in its original non-fancy building focusing on its customers' needs. The employees at the credit union know all of my family members by name, they are responsive and caring whenever we have a financial hardship (needing to pay a loan payment a little late, etc.), and they have extended credit to us at reasonable interest rates whenever we've needed it. I just feel more like a human being in a credit union.
posted by amyms at 9:20 AM on September 9, 2008


Banks can be my cool friend when it costs less for a poor person to use the bank's services than it does a rich person. It's offensive to someone living paycheck to paycheck when your teller explains to you that the one time they waived the cashier's check fee was an exception and not to expect it again, oh and if you only had over $100,000 in the bank you could have all the cashier's checks you wanted, free of charge.

Or when you lose your job, say, and your 'free checking' account all of a sudden has a $25 monthly fee just because there isn't a direct deposit coming into it. Awesome, thanks!

These are only a few of my gripes, enough though that when I enter my branch now I am suspicious at least and likely angry.
posted by carsonb at 9:32 AM on September 9, 2008


retail banking is a bit like the IT industry: your average customer (hello, that's me) notices you only when something goes wrong. wrong of course is always where you come in.

you can never offer so much or charge so little to become the cool kid on the block. the gas company will never become beloved. what you can do is avoid being despised, hated and loathed. being reasonable and just is a good strategy. everyone hates injustice and everyone remembers injustices when they have happened to them. being honest doesn't hurt either. nobody falls for "we are here because we love you" rhetoric. I am here to make my money work for me and you are here to get a piece of it. that's okay. it really is. it's the deceit that makes you uncool. it's the copouts and backtracking hidden in the fine print. if I have to watch very carefully that you don't make me assume you are providing something you are not, if I have to watch you don't take me for a ride, then you will not be my friend but a necessary evil. (good example: "total travel insurance" coming with certain accounts or cards that doesn't cover in the event of your airline failing.)

I once checked my balance at a Wamu ATM, which informed me I had $120 in my account, took out $20 and got hit with three overdraft charges totalling $87. they later told me I "should have checked my balance." that happened two years ago. I have since closed the account, repeated the story to anyone talking to me about this particular bank and sincerely hope it cost them just a little bit of business here and there.
posted by krautland at 9:47 AM on September 9, 2008


Stop opening branches.

I shouldn't ever need to actually visit a bank, except to go to the ATM. I don't want my bank to be wasting money on catering to people who feel compelled to hand their deposits to a person instead of an ATM. If there's some fancy money instrument I need to physically receive, then you can mail it or fedex it to me. I don't want to visit your branch even to open an account.

Now, with that said, this puts all the emphasis on the website. Simple, fast, no crap. Don't make me click through an advertisement to log on. Don't make stupid password requirements, like only 5 characters max (Not kidding on this one), or alphanumeric-only (is it that hard to handle a percent sign?). Lock my online account, with no explanation? No. Require me to enter ALL of my identifying information, ATM card number, and PIN, just because I'm using a new computer? Gee, why don't you make phishing easier!

Seriously, I don't see why there are so few banks with decent online interfaces, and so many banks with in-person interfaces.
posted by kiltedtaco at 9:53 AM on September 9, 2008


OP, you may have joined a losing battle, unless you can really make strides towards suggestions posted here like:

Stop fucking people with stupid charges that represent no work on your part.

stop screwing people over with fees and fee-fees, and understand that sometimes people's lives do not enmesh completely with the working hours of the bank, and try to connect on a human level with their customers, and point people toward financial products that will help them and not hurt them financially


Otherwise you are doomed to work for an entity closer to "bloodsucking parasite" than "cool friend."

The only reason I have a bank/credit union in my life at all is that I'm not comfortable with cash under my mattress and I'm not capable of converting cash into binary signals myself. All your goddam fees cost me far more than the meager interest my money earns in a liquid account, and if there was a realistic option I would excercise it in a heartbeat.

Things I hate about banking:

posted by Tubes at 9:54 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


This is all interesting, thanks guys. If I had to summarize thus far, it sounds like most responders equate their bank with a utility service, especially a service like the phone company where usage fees make things unpleasant. Overall, the sentiment seems to be that a bank will have trouble being a "friend" or "fun", like Whole Foods or Apple (and many people disagree with even that characterisation). Maybe banks will always be just a utility. But that doesn't mean there isn't the potential for a harmonious, professional relationship with your bank, as long as the bank acts like a good citizen.

BTW, my "bank" is actually a credit union. I think -- as with nearly every business -- the smaller the institution, the more personal and "human" it has the potential to be. It sounds like most responders prefer credit unions not because of the "co-op" aspect, but because credit unions tend to treat them as a person instead of an account number whenever they need person-to-person interaction.
posted by phoeniciansailor at 10:03 AM on September 9, 2008


Being friends is important. However, there are some relationships we have that work better if people realize they shouldn't try to be our friends, because they are not supposed to be our friends -- they are supposed to be something else. The best example is of the father who tries like blazes to be his son's "friend" and the whole thing going bust, because the father never realized his son doesn't need a "friend", his son needs a parent.

This is the same thing. I don't want you to be my friend. I want you to be my bank. I want you to be a wiser and safer alternative to keeping cash stuffed under my mattress, and that's it. Period.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:04 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


When I was a kid, I remember vividly going to a bank with my Grandpa in his small mountain town and having everyone greet him and I always got two lollipops and I thought he was the most important person in the Universe! Granted, small town, and granted, my Grandparents were very active in civic life but I don't know that that would happen much today. And, for the most part, that is okay.

My bank is Washington Mutual and sometimes I go in to their branch location near me and I really don't like it -- there's these informal, walk-up kiosks and, yes, everyone is dressed like they work at Blockbuster and then I have to go to a machine to pick up the money that I took out with a little pin number and I don't like it at all. It's money and it's mine and I worked hard for it and I would like a little privacy and a little formality.

On the other hand, I have been really impressed with their online banking service and whenever they add a new feature that actually works and seems better (novel!) than what they had before, I feel like they value me.

I also question any business that, instead of improving their business, heaps this responsibility on their employees to be chipper friends in order to keep things running smoothly. Often that seems like a sign that things aren't going well. It's like, if you can't offer real value, then let's just pretend we love it anyway and maybe people won't notice.
posted by amanda at 10:23 AM on September 9, 2008


it's stuff like constant branch redesigns and new "features" that piss me off. it makes me think you're spending my money on stupid things and will go belly up like other places.

what i want out of a bank is what most people want: a FEE FREE place to store my money. i don't want to pay a fee when my balance goes under $100 or when i use a non-network atm more than 3 times a month.

a well designed and easy to use web interface would also be great.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 10:36 AM on September 9, 2008


My buddy has a credit union that I sadly do not qualify for, but have always wanted.

Since the credit union doesn't have a zillion branches, they reimburse him for his ATM transaction fees. I don't mean that the ATM charges $2.00, and the credit union declines to charge another $2.00. The credit union pays the ATM owner's $2.00 charge.

I believe they handle up to $25 of ATM surcharges a month.

Also, I'm with the people above who suggest training your tellers would improve the overall experience. It'd be nice if the tellers were at least able to distinguish between company policy, company rules, and law.
posted by Netzapper at 11:05 AM on September 9, 2008


If banks ever really want to be seen as "friendly" then they need to stop viewing customers as profit centers. Decline debit transactions rather than letting a couple of dollars turn into a $35 overdraft fee. When doing daily batch processing (if you still do) process deposits before debits and checks. Processing outgoing money first is nothing but a ploy to charge more overdraft fees and steal more money from your customers. And ATM fees? No. Just no. Absolutely not. Not for me at any other bank, not for non-customers at your bank. The cost of running ATMs is overhead, a cost center, not a profit center. Stop that.

Also, have a fully featured website that looks like it wasn't designed in 1998. No frames, no broken forms, and easily accessible from any browser, including my Blackberry or Safari on my iPhone or even the crap thing on a Verizon mobile phone. If I can't access it on the go, then it's useless.
posted by Dreama at 11:12 AM on September 9, 2008 [1 favorite]


Good customer service. Go out of your way for it. Train every employee to.

I worked at a grocery store that was the opposite of "cool." It was like dorky trader joe's. But we had a really dedicated customer base (which is what you really want when you say "cool friend", right?) because the people who owned it made the only thing we were really good at (over the top customer service) the big. deal. Which sounds cliche, but actually worked.

No one is going to be impressed by a bank with pretty colors. People should be impressed by a bank where the workers know the regulars, and a bank where you can get a real person to go out of their way to help you fix a little problem.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 11:21 AM on September 9, 2008


You might stop charging the poor fellow who has less than $300 in his savings account a $3.00 service charge each month. A lot of folks who have little money in their savings account are actually trying to put some small money away ... and a $3.00 service charge each month really eats into that.

If you have to charge for a person having a savings account, why not charge those guys who have $10,000 or more?
posted by dwbrant at 11:25 AM on September 9, 2008 [2 favorites]


There are some nice people at my bank who frequently have their hands tied, citing "policy", and thus are seldom empowered to do anything more useful than an ATM. They are simply meat-based ATMs, as unable to vary from their programming as their metal and plastic counterparts.

When I have a problem, I have to come into my branch. There, a human being looks over a bunch of screens of stuff and then agrees that the problem exists, and explains to me how the problem landscape has been shaped by bank policy. They then fold their hands, shrug amicably, and apologize that they cannot go against policy.

...Which an ATM could've explained to me with one simple error message (and usually already has).

What did the human being add to the equation? Very little, except I had to spend gas to get there and spend time waiting in line, then re-explain the situation history for them and then wait again while they pawed through their screens of data.

If your employees ain't got no give with the policies, why waste my time making me see them?

The policy is god. If it's immutable, don't bother engaging in dialogue with me. It's a waste of time.
posted by CheeseburgerBrown at 11:30 AM on September 9, 2008


Here's my fun bank story:

I noticed a few unauthorized charges on my check card statement. They were for phone cards in some south asian country, so they were blatantly fraudulent. Since these charges caused my balance to drop below zero I was charged two NSF fees. I went to complain, which worked fine. They blocked the card, refunded the NSF charges, and issued a new card.

Next month I notice the same charges. I go back to the bank and the representative helping me pulls up the computer file. "Ok, let's see here. This time I'll double-block it."

And I never had the issue again.

What do I want from my bank? I want actual security for my online activities in the form of two-factor strong authentication, like RSA SecurID. I don't want their online services to seem flaky when I use them. I want standards-compliant webpages that don't claim to require Internet Explorer 6 to function properly. They should be embarrassed of this.
posted by odinsdream at 11:43 AM on September 9, 2008


It is hard to love an institution whose sole goal is to make money off my money. Not that I have any problem with banks, because I don't, but logically, I can't help but feeling a little like a sucker.

But then, I feel the same way about Apple, Whole Foods, etc. They're all just big effing corporations with slick marketing, and I hate to see the masses fall for it. (Don't get me started on Apple, my pet peeve of a company. I don't actually have a problem with Whole Foods, but they're still just a big, rich company with expensive products. They have good produce. And $20 kitchen utensils. I shop at Jewel.)

And I need to reiterate that I'm a capitalist, and I actually like my bank. They provide a service that I do need, and if they can make a profit off that, good for them! I just don't get into having personal relationships with corporations. It's a business relationship.

All that said, I can tell you what I like about my bank. My bank was LaSalle Bank, in Chicago, which was recently bought out by BofA. Everybody fears these things happening, because we don't know what's going to happen to the company/service we already know. But when this happened at my branch, the staff didn't change, and the ATM improved. What I noticed the most about the changeover, and what I have since noticed has been true about my branch for a long time is that the people who work there have been working there for years. I recognize many faces each time I go in. And that kind of employee retention is the only thing that lends a "personal touch" to the branch, and I notice it.

(It's strange that I ever got a chance to notice it, because I've historically been a diehard ATM user. I've had my money in many banks where I never stepped foot inside the branch except to open and close the account. But when I started freelancing and could no longer direct deposit, I learned that depositing my checks with a live teller gets the money into my account much faster than using the ATM. Now that the ATM has improved, I'm not sure that's the case anymore.)

Other than that, I wish banks would drop all the damn fees, surcharges, etc. They're making enough money just *having* my money to play with. The extra is just insulting. We all know we're suckers and we know we don't have a choice, so don't think you're fooling us. This is a huge reason why the bank is not the friend of the common man.
posted by iguanapolitico at 12:20 PM on September 9, 2008


It sounds like most responders prefer credit unions not because of the "co-op" aspect...

This is true. I "bank" with a CU because the people are always nice but not too nice – the receptionists always say hello and goodbye but don't try to chat (and, in fact, always appear to have actual WORK to do instead of being paid to sit at the desk), the tellers are quick and efficient, and nothing is ever difficult. They have an easy-to-use and secure website. They even offer free Internet access (and good coffee) in their lobbies and, for four dollars a month, they take care of paying my bills for me.

What does that have to do with it being a co-op? I have no idea, just like I have no idea how a store being a co-op really affects how I do business with them. I just feel confident that my money is safe in their hands. They are, in some ways, a small/local business, but they are also the offspring of a major national institution, which adds a certain gravitas and allows me to just shrug when people start worrying about banks being in trouble.

So, are they my cool friend? No, but they are my cool credit union. Just like Trader Joe's is my cool grocery store and Google is my cool Internet-innovator. They are all non-abusive and seem to actively look for ways to make my life better. And that's all I really want.
posted by teremala at 1:43 PM on September 9, 2008


God save me from a "friendly" or "cool" bank!

I don't want to trust my money, it's handling or availability to my cool hip and funny friend.

I trust my money to competent business professionals who act rlike they're responisble for a few billion dollars.

I love my bank. When I visit them, I don't wait in line or get served at a counter or behind bullet proof glass, I sit at a bank representative's desk in a comfy chair. Yes, even for making a small deposit. They treat me like a human and answer any questions I might have. They advice me, and if htey can't they find someone who does. They don't charge me fees for anything unless I'm being stupid. They even reimburse fees from using ATMs. Their ATM's aren't 'cute' and say things like "Hi There! Can you please give me your PIN number?" When I might otherwise bounce a check they call me and ask me what was up, and let the check float while I transferred money into the account.

That is what I want from a bank.

On the other hand I went into a WaMu to use the ATM the other day and the fake chipper happy "We're just like you except we have all your money, aren't mondays a drag, TGIF, please be our best friend and have a free butterscotch candy and enjoy the fake flowers." vibe from the joint made me nauseous.
posted by Ookseer at 1:45 PM on September 9, 2008


The closest I can think that a bank could come to being cool is to use some of the record quarterly profits I read about every three months and put then mack into the community. Where I live, laws went into place five years or so ago regarding tobacco companies sponsoring events. Thus, the popular annual BigTobacco Jazz Festival in town disappeared due to lack of funding; I always wondered why with banks' dismal public profile and deep pockets, the thing didn't get resurrected as the BigBank Jazz Festival. No business except airlines and Microsoft seems to hold its clients in more contempt than banks; any positive association could only help.

And since it seems de rigeur, my bank anecdote:

Some years ago, I was buying a cello. Never having had any use for cheques at that point in my life, I was accustomed to using cash or credit cards for everything, but the seller did not take plastic, and the ~$5000 was far more than I could take out of the ATM in even a week of daily withdrawals. Accordingly, I filled out a withdrawal slip and stood in line for the teller. The teller looked at my slip, typed what looked like quite a lot into her terminal, looked at the slip again, involved clerks to either side and eventually summoned a Guy With A Tie to tell me that the bank could not honour the withdrawal slip. When asked why, GWAT told me that the signature on the slip did not match the signature on record for the account. The signature on record? Yes, from when I opened the account. From when I was eight years old and putting my allowance into my account every week? Yes, exactly.

After some discussion, GWAT conceded that perhaps my signature could have changed from the laborious schoolboy hand they had on record, and told me that they would need a new signature. I filled out the forms they gave me, autographed the bottom, and handed it back. And by God, the bank employees now compared the signature I had just written with the one on the withdrawal slip from ten minutes before.

It's good to know that anyone who can write my name twice can have all my money.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:28 PM on September 9, 2008


Argh... "and put them back into the community..." Time to clean the contact lenses.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 2:31 PM on September 9, 2008


Banks should have individual teller windows, not these new fashionable flat open counters where every single person in the place can see what you´re doing and how much cash you will be leaving the bank with. That place is no longer my bank.

Mostly, I want my bank to not screw anything up and not charge me any fees. I´d rather the tellers be professional and friendly than act like my friend.
posted by yohko at 2:53 PM on September 9, 2008


I pick my bank based on being local, having a good record of investing in the community, and having a good record of lending to minorities and women.

They are damn hard to find.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:10 PM on September 9, 2008


The one time I ever had a problem with a bank was when I got charged because I was overdrawn. But that was my own damn fault. Also, I'm a college student, and so I don't have much in terms of serious money stuff. But for now banks are OK.
posted by awesomepenguin at 7:16 PM on September 9, 2008


for those of you in the US who don't like the way banks reorder your debits for maximum overdraft fee-fuckery, please write your representative and ask them to support HR 946.

especially so if your representative is one of these people, since they have some ability to get the bill out of committee and onto the floor for a vote.
posted by sergeant sandwich at 9:25 PM on September 9, 2008


I would also like to add that I love USAA. Here is why -
1. I can deposit my checks, at home, instantly (with a scanner) and the funds are available immediately. My old credit union wouldn't give me the funds instantly, let alone a regular bank.
2. They are the nicest people I have ever talked to on the phone. Ever. They helped us out when we were choosing our car insurance levels, and actually explained that we needed less coverage than we currently were paying. We now pay them less, every six months.
3. They waive all atm fees, up to 10 a month. Who withdraws from an atm more than 10 a month? Certainly ample.
My old credit union I liked because of the extremely low OD fees (maybe $6), and the convenience to my house. Then they opened wide to the neighborhood (used to be company only) and started trying to get me to open this account, and that account, and charged a minimum on my checking. I switched all my accounts to USAA and you can never pry it from my dead, cold hands.
posted by lizjohn at 11:32 PM on September 9, 2008


Extend your hours and stay open all day on Sunday.
posted by amedia at 3:30 AM on September 10, 2008


This is easy, you just need to stick to the fundamentals. I used to love my bank (WaMu) when it was still relatively new. Now I hate it. Things that changed:

Way things used to be:
1. Tellers would go out of their way to be helpful to me. My branch used to be in a grocery store. One time, when I asked where they pay phones were, teller just offered to let me use the bank phone. My positive reaction was well worth the zero dollars it cost the bank.
2. They would occasionally have free stuff (like a little paper notepad) for the taking whenever you went into the branch. Again, not worth very much, but nice.
3. Big one: When I had a problem, they would work with me to solve it.
4. Big one number two: I considered the fees fair.

The way things are now:
1. I now have to play games with voicemail hell just to get to a live person on the telephone.
2. When I do get someone on the phone, they tell me to go suck an egg.
3. Fees are bogus. I got charged a $5/mo fee on a savings account that didn't exist when I first opened the account. I was making about a nickel in interest a month, so, not a good deal. They tell me the fee notice was somewhere in the fine print in a bank statement. Screw you guys. (Only got my $40 back by sending a letter to everyone on the executive staff.)
4. Tellers are also frequently unhelpful.

That's the difference. Do the things in the first set, and I will love you.
posted by kingjoeshmoe at 10:11 AM on September 10, 2008


I like my main bank -- ING Direct. There is no way to ever be charged a fee for anything. They have very good interest rates. Their online banking system works well. When you call, a real person answers, and is pleasant and helpful. All in all, I love 'em.

If they stopped having good rates and started adding fees, though, I would go somewhere else in a heartbeat.

I do have another bank -- Fifth Third. I keep them around for depositing paper checks. I fucking hate them. One time, I overdrew my account by $2, and they charged me a $30 fee. The $30 fee caused an overdraft, and they doubled the fee. Nobody at customer service cared. In addition, their interest rates suck. Some customer service issues can only be handled by their call center in India, not at branches! They mail me a new ATM card every other week because of "security issues" with the old one. And every time I come in, they try to sell me some service. Basically, I hate them... but it brings me great joy to use all their free services while having 70 cents in my account there. Screwing over a bank is one thing I can't feel bad about.
posted by jrockway at 10:31 AM on September 10, 2008


it sounds like most responders equate their bank with a utility service

They didn't used to be. That's the thing. Years ago even a full-service bank, locally owned, acted with some responsibility to its customers and community. This began to change with the era of bank mergers and particularly interstate bank ownership. In some ways the new (1980s is still "new" in this context) regulations encourage banks to act as corporations serving their stockholders and seeking ever higher fulfillment of the bottom line. The customers are just along for the ride, and in fact are treated like cattle or a commodity.

The trouble is they think they're selling some sort of national brand and convenience and maybe they are, bmaybe that's their brand difference now. Starbucks. McDonald's. BigBank. Somehow, though, both those other businesses have maintained a customer focus and relationship. (Mickey D's, famously, lost their way a few years ago but found their mojo again.)

I'm not sure I want a bank to start thinking like Starbucks or McDonald's, but if they can glean what makes those businesses continually viewed positively (fringe carping aside) maybe it is worth it. Often it IS the little things, like the stuff Starbucks has on the napkin table or the perfect way that McDonald's makes its fries. It certainly isn't all about the smiling staff being so devoted to you for your 180-second interaction.
posted by dhartung at 4:49 PM on September 10, 2008


Sometimes I think we're just fooling ourselves, and that there's nothing we could ever do to make going to the bank more enjoyable than, say, going to the post office or the dry cleaners.

I tend to cash a lot of client checks, and the PRIMARY thing that stands out in my mind about banks is the tellers. Certain branches have awesome tellers who are fun and personable without being cheesy or weird. Unfortunately this is branch specific and not brand specific, so it really isn't going to help you with marketing. The chains I know who "try too hard" end up scaring me off by being a royal pain in the neck.
posted by tejolote at 11:30 PM on September 10, 2008


My credit union is not a "cool friend" but it is that straight-laced and nerdy math teacher that I respect and kinda even like.

First of all, the credit union trusted me when nobody else did. First car loan, 100+% of the car's value, after being turned down like six places for having minimal credit history. (I never missed a car payment.)

Second of all, for being consistent and fair. They waive one overdraft fee a year (and only one) (at least, the two times this happened to me, three years apart). They don't have random special promotions where others get goodies and I (a loyal member) do not.

Third, they behave like normal people. The "insane asylum" comment above remind me of every other financial institution I deal with, while the credit union is generally sane. (Here's the short story.)
posted by salvia at 6:46 PM on September 13, 2008


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