Is that really necessary?

September 6, 2008 7:24 PM

Should I take it personally if a female friend of mine locks the door whenever she uses my bathroom (and we're the only ones in my apt)?

I mean, the only reason to do it would be as a precaution against me doing something nefarious, no? We've known each other for 2 years.

posted by mpls2 to human relations (55 comments total)

Heck no. I do it reflexively, everywhere, to avoid the accidental walk-in. As someone who has accidentally walked in on others, as well as been the walked in upon, no one wants to undergo this. Also, sometimes doors swing open by accident when unlocked.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:30 PM on September 6, 2008 [14 favorites]

'Force of habit' is also a pretty good reason.
posted by box at 7:30 PM on September 6, 2008 [3 favorites]

I wouldn't take it personally. Could be just habitual caution against an unintentional walk-in.
posted by gimonca at 7:30 PM on September 6, 2008

No, it's just an instinctual thing to lock any bathroom door when your out and about.
posted by kimdog at 7:31 PM on September 6, 2008

or even you're
posted by kimdog at 7:31 PM on September 6, 2008

No; its security; even from haphazard accidental entry.
posted by SirStan at 7:32 PM on September 6, 2008

No.

I lock any bathroom door I use. Even my own, when only my daughter is home, and sometimes when I'm alone in the apartment. It's a habit. And it also prevents any embarrassing (to both parties) accidental entries, which can happen more easily than you might think, having been on both sides of them.

(I'm a guy, if it matters.)
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 7:32 PM on September 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

I find myself doing it half the time even when I know my roommate is out of town. And I think it's more a precaution against an accidental walk in than a possible peeping tom.
posted by whoaali at 7:34 PM on September 6, 2008

I lock the door in my own home, I don't want someone accidentally walking in on me.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 7:35 PM on September 6, 2008

Also, I think it's almost always a bad idea to take someone else's precautions personally. You don't know what they have going on in their life or what they have experienced to make them wary.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 7:36 PM on September 6, 2008 [14 favorites]

I used to do this with my bf of four years. I wouldn't take it personally at all, it's just habit/precaution/etc (has nothing to do with you).
posted by nat at 7:40 PM on September 6, 2008

I always lock, no matter where I am. (It's a big problem at my friend's apartment because if the front door opens and the bathroom door isn't completely closed with the little tab in the slot thing, it'll open. Which is aggravating when you're in the shower.)
posted by sperose at 7:42 PM on September 6, 2008

My husband still does this. We'd been married for years before I found out, I think I needed something while he was showering. He admitted to doing it even when he was alone in the house.
posted by saffry at 7:47 PM on September 6, 2008

My husband does this as well, and always has. I wouldn't take it personally. It's just habit for some people.
posted by Ostara at 7:52 PM on September 6, 2008

I'm just posting to add to the growing consensus that for many, many people, this is just a force of habit. I lock the door any time I close it, which is any time there is someone other than me and my girlfriend in the house (and I closed and locked it even when she was around until we'd lived together for a while). When I lived with other roommates, I would close and lock the door even if I was the only one home, just in case someone wandered in while I was on the can. Many people I know wouldn't even want their significant other to walk in on them. For some people, it just grosses them (or the intruding party) out. For some people, it just makes them self conscious an unable to do the deed.* Definitely not something to worry about.

*I briefly toyed with writing "do the doo" here, but I didn't want to single out number two for special treatment.
posted by ErWenn at 8:06 PM on September 6, 2008

"do the doo/dew" might have worked, with the added bonus (?) of product placement.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:08 PM on September 6, 2008

Don't take it personally. Some people are very self-conscious about using the bathroom away from home. If locking the door makes her feel a little more secure and private, it has nothing to do with you.
posted by amyms at 8:10 PM on September 6, 2008

Some families/people just do this without thinking - it's part of their bathroom norms.

To give some examples - my family never locks the bathroom door, because we know if the door is closed, someone is in there (it's normally left open). This developed because we only had one bathroom, and someone might need the toilet when someone else is in the shower (which, of course, has an opaque curtain).

But my in-laws have two bathrooms, and cats they didn't want to get into the toilets. So their bathroom doors are closed normally, and locked when someone is in there so that no one walks in on them. Now when I'm there, I will lock the door even if I'm the only person in the house - it's just part of my automatic reponse when I close the door. I don't even think about it.
posted by jb at 8:13 PM on September 6, 2008

Not at all. I lock all the time, even if I'm on my own. It's just habit, nothing more.
posted by djgh at 8:20 PM on September 6, 2008

You all actually close the door?
posted by 4ster at 8:23 PM on September 6, 2008 [5 favorites]

I close while using, but not lock.

Closed door + light coming out from under the gap tends to be enough of an indication that the bathroom is in use.
posted by Yoshi Ayarane at 8:25 PM on September 6, 2008

I mean, the only reason to do it would be as a precaution against me doing something nefarious, no?

Not at all. A friend of mine does it because she grew up in a big family and rarely had the bathroom to herself. Being able to lock the door is a private pleasure of hers now, one that she never misses out on. Another female friend simply hates the idea of anyone seeing her on the toilet, it's like a phobia almost, so she locks the door.

There are any number of reasons she might do this that have nothing to do with you. Chill out, it's all good.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:29 PM on September 6, 2008

Don't take offense. It's just habit.
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:44 PM on September 6, 2008

I'm pretty sure I lock the door in public bathrooms in bars and restaurants and the like. Definitely not mine, and I think most of the time I don't lock at other people's houses, either. I wonder if it's a habit formed in families that had to share bathrooms. I was fortunate to have my own bathroom in every house I lived in with my parents, so I don't think I ever learned that locking was Just What You Do.
posted by emelenjr at 8:47 PM on September 6, 2008

I hope you don't take offense that I use my turn signals even when there's no other cars around.
posted by churl at 8:57 PM on September 6, 2008 [11 favorites]

What? No. Im a big mean guy and I always lock the door, sometimes when Im alone. There's no message. Its force of habit and it helps if someone accidentally opens the door thinking its empty.

Youre overthinking this.
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:14 PM on September 6, 2008

FWIW, I live by myself and I lock the door whenever I am in the bathroom. Habit.
posted by jrockway at 9:39 PM on September 6, 2008

nthing habit.
posted by rmd1023 at 9:43 PM on September 6, 2008

I live alone and don't even care if anyone were to walk in and i still lock the bathroom door.
posted by docmccoy at 10:03 PM on September 6, 2008

Four-bazillionthing "habit".

Also, what "nefarious" thing could you (or anyone) do while someone was pissing or shitting that they couldn't do while someone was, say, eating or watching TV?
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:07 PM on September 6, 2008

I don't lock the door when my husband is home, but I do lock it when I'm home alone. Really, hasn't anyone here seen Psycho?
posted by Joleta at 10:48 PM on September 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

Absolutely a protection against the embarrassment of an accidental walk-in. No reason for offense. It's awful to be walked in on when one is utterly exposed like that.
posted by onlyconnect at 11:20 PM on September 6, 2008

My bathroom door sucks and doesn't even *shut,* let alone lock, but if it did, I'd shut and lock when home alone and just shut it during morning ablutions, lest Mr. F suddenly find himself literally shit out of luck.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 11:21 PM on September 6, 2008

Not only do I lock the door, but I have a reserve of techniques for making bathroom door unopenable in case there is no lock. I'm a guy.
posted by rhizome at 12:26 AM on September 7, 2008

Habit. Protection against accidents. I wouldn't be offended.
posted by rodgerd at 1:05 AM on September 7, 2008

No, I don't think so.
posted by Kirn at 3:32 AM on September 7, 2008

Privacy. It's still an operable notion.
posted by watercarrier at 3:34 AM on September 7, 2008

Nthing force of habit. Nthing I do this even when alone in my apartment. Nthing don't be offended.
posted by fructose at 3:53 AM on September 7, 2008

Locking the door is for me mentally almost like closing a second door. And if there was a second door there, I wouldn't leave it open, would I?
posted by BaxterG4 at 8:29 AM on September 7, 2008

Learned the hard way: My fiancee and I were visiting her parents. I didn't lock the door, foolishly relying upon their good will. Her mother waltzed right in and found me sitting on the pot. True story.
posted by exphysicist345 at 10:11 AM on September 7, 2008

I live on my own and I lock the door.
posted by slimepuppy at 10:45 AM on September 7, 2008

Also, what "nefarious" thing could you (or anyone) do while someone was pissing or shitting that they couldn't do while someone was, say, eating or watching TV?

1) Wait till room mate goes to restroom and leaves door unlocked.
2) Jump in and take a snapshot with your handy digicam.
3) Internet
4) ???
5) PROFIT
posted by IronLizard at 10:55 AM on September 7, 2008

I'm always puzzled by families who keep the bathroom door closed as a general rule, even when no one's in there. People who grow up in families like these never learn to respect the "closed door=occupied" rule that seems so commonplace to people who keep the door open when the room is unoccupied. Generally speaking, if I'm using the can and there are people around who may have grown up in one of these anomalous households, I'll lock the door just to be safe.
posted by Dr. Send at 11:01 AM on September 7, 2008

I always had the same question as the OP about why friends to this.

But then, we are wont to walk around naked here, so.
posted by softsantear at 11:40 AM on September 7, 2008

to = do
posted by softsantear at 11:40 AM on September 7, 2008

Private pooper. She does not want someone busting into her most personal business by accident (e.g. you're wearing an ipod and blunder into the bathroom). I don't even like to be within earshot, and I've been married 10 years. I mean, seriously, a girl needs to keep *some* mystery. Do not take it personally.
posted by media_itoku at 1:07 PM on September 7, 2008

You seem to be assuming that your female friend is going through some sort of analysis over whether or not to lock the door, considering all the benefits and drawbacks of each choice.

Rest assured that she probably has used the bathroom many times in her life, and has a certain routine that she usually follows without thinking a lot about optimizing all the actions involved.
posted by yohko at 1:08 PM on September 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

I only recently discovered that my husband locks the door every time, and assumes that everyone else does too. This means that if he bursts in on you while you are in the bathroom it was your fault.
posted by Catch at 5:47 PM on September 7, 2008

Odd aside: my wife (raised in France, where doors to rooms are always kept closed) was puzzled when I asked her about locks on the doors when designing our home. "Who puts locks on doors in their house?" was her response to my query. The home I grew up in had privacy locks on all the non-public rooms. We compromised with a lock on the toilet near the entry, the one used by casual day visitors. No other rooms, included the baths, have locks. In fact, the master bath (including the toilet) does not even have a door.

Oh, and no, you need not take it personally. Unless you are thinking about something nefarious. You're not, are you?
posted by Dick Paris at 6:32 PM on September 7, 2008

I pine to live a life where this is one of my chief concerns. You have my envy, sir.

I lock when not at home, and always assumed most people did. I only know some people don't because of accidental walk-ins.

At home, I always close the door, even when I'm home alone.

Force of habit.

Have you ever had people over who leave the door OPEN when going potty? Ugh.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:58 PM on September 7, 2008

You could go the other way and take it as a sign of complete trust that she would actually use your bathroom at all. It's probably fair to say she's just a polite person, taking a reasonable precaution against... any potential awkwardness. But you know what I do find peculiar? How exactly you would know that she does... and why you would then take such a personal offence to it?
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 4:39 AM on September 8, 2008

Once when visiting a cousin I went to the bathroom and out of habit locked the door. I immediately noted to myself how silly that was, as only she and my gf were in the apartment. A few seconds later her roommate bounded into the apartment and immediately tried to fling open the bathroom door (located directly next to the apartment entrance).

That was something funny we could all laugh about instead of something potentially awkward (although really it still would have been pretty funny if the door was unlocked, but I can see how not everyone would feel that way).

So it is a habit + "just in case" thinking. Don't take it personally.
posted by mikepop at 6:11 AM on September 8, 2008

my husband locks the door every time, and assumes that everyone else does too.

I grew up in a house with no locks on any of the doors including the ones to the outside. I presume that other people grew up with different situations so I also presume that if there's a lock on the bathroom door, possibly the scenario is one like the one outlined above.

So, if I see a bathroom door lock, I use it because I think maybe I am supposed to. Also I am a little deaf in noisy places so that when I knock at a closed bathroom door [in our family closed meant occupied] and I don't hear a response I open the door sort of half expecting there will be someone in there saying "hey I said 'I'm in here!"'

I am confused by bathroom door behavior generally and never lock or even close the door in my own house unless I have company.
posted by jessamyn at 7:34 AM on September 8, 2008

This bathroom door thing is a fascinating peek (no pun) into our upbringings. I would imagine my "always lock the door" habit is due to being raised in a multi-family home with a shared bathroom. We had to lock 3 doors when using the bathroom, and we couldn't keep the bathroom door open when not in use, or the sound would carry between units, result in zero privacy for even normal conversations.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 7:50 AM on September 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Late to the party, but... my cousin broke the door of our only bathroom when I was a young child. Not only would it not lock, it didn't even close properly. A strong breeze or someone running down the hallway might cause it to swing open.

My parents never bothered to fix it. I spent many years holding my hand against the door while I did my thing just in case.

So now whenever I am anywhere that has a bathroom door with a lock, you'd better believe I'm locking that sucker.
posted by christie at 7:54 PM on September 9, 2008