Glad you're back from the mountains

August 28, 2008 2:27 PM

What is the best welcome back surprise I could give my manfriend after a month of absence?

Posting anon, because he is a long time metafilter reader.

Ok... Boyfriend is overseas hiking, in the mountains, with his pops for a month. When he gets back I want to pamper him and make him feel oh so loved. Good thing is he gets back on a Saturday, that way I have two full days.

I have already started a short little book of sweet nonsense. Am cooking his favorite meal the day he comes and plan to bake a cake... that might say something rude to make him laugh.

What are some sweet, sexy, fun, silly things to do when he gets back?

Thank you!

posted by anonymous to human relations (18 answers total)

I cannot say out loud, but think of the character played by Mike Farrell on M*A*S*H.

P.S. Out of an abundance of caution, not Klinger.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 2:38 PM on August 28, 2008

I cannot say out loud, but think of the character played by Mike Farrell on M*A*S*H.

I mean, I guess you could drive a little jeep around, but as a dude, I'd prefer good food, good sex, good conversation, and lots of sleep.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 2:48 PM on August 28, 2008

He might be tired; don't try to force him into a full weekend of pre-planned activities if he just needs a rest.
posted by nowonmai at 3:05 PM on August 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

Help him unpack, do his laundry, and let him sleep off the jet lag
posted by sondrialiac at 3:09 PM on August 28, 2008

In a halfway-comparable situation, where I was jetlagged beyond all conscious thought after 20 straight hours of travel, my then-girlfriend gave me a bath. Not even really a sexual thing - I was too exhausted to want sex - but it got the sweat and grime and gunk of the ordeal off of me, I slept like a baby for about twelve hours that night, and the next day we went on to the good food, good sex, talking, etc.

Then I slept even more.
posted by Tomorrowful at 3:16 PM on August 28, 2008

Posting anon, because he is a long time metafilter reader...Ok...Boyfriend is overseas hiking, in the mountains, with his pops for a month.

You're doing it wrong.

But, depending on how far away he was and how he's getting back, you know what guys like after [X] hours inside a [conveyance], after hiking with their dads in [country, region] for a month? A nice cup of tea and a lie down.

If you have a bathtub, that should be the focal point, or focii if you will. Have it good and hot and fill it with expensive unguents and salts, and have some candles going if that's your thing, and have a lovely expensive new towel and robe ready for him. And, well, if it was me, I might not be interested in actual actual literal sex, but I'm sure you could arrange other things. Just tie your hair back so it doesn't get wet.
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:20 PM on August 28, 2008

Helping him unpack, or unpacking and laundering his dirty stuff while he deals with other things will be appreciated. Having food and drinks he loves on hand is great too. I'd think of things you could do for his father as well, bringing food over to his house or helping him unpack the next day etc.

Clyde Mnestra is referring to the character BJ Hunnicutt, so I guess he means give him a blow job, but I'm sure you two can figure out that kind of thing on your own. You know what he likes.
posted by Science! at 3:23 PM on August 28, 2008

SCIENCE! is always great for taking the mystery and romance out of anything ;)
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:33 PM on August 28, 2008

Massage especially Foot Massage.
posted by spec80 at 3:52 PM on August 28, 2008

a shoebox full of 20 dollar bills never fails to make me feel welcome
posted by ernie at 4:21 PM on August 28, 2008 [4 favorites]

Ok, here goes:

01. Meet him at the door and undress him completely.
02. Lead him to a steaming hot tub.
03. Leave him there, alone, and go pick up all his clothes and stuff.
04. After 45 minutes, go wake him up and ask if he would like a pastrami sandwich and a beer.
05a. If he says yes, go prepare that. He'll stagger into the kitchen within 15 minutes to wolf down the food.
05b. If says no, leave him for a further 15 minutes and go wake him up again.
06. Lead him to bed.
07. Leave him there, alone, for the next 12 hours.
08. Wake him up with a blowjob and proceed naturally from there.

Ok, now you can talk.
posted by Cobalt at 5:39 PM on August 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

Fresh sheets on the bed, of course!
posted by chippie at 5:45 PM on August 28, 2008

Bath....Beer.....Bed....

(Beat)

Bump Uglies
posted by Nick Verstayne at 6:56 PM on August 28, 2008

Mine's been gone since May. Among work, school, the kids, and the dogs, it will be more a miracle than a surprise if the house is tidy when he gets in, especially as I still don't have an itinerary. But my only real plans involve a massage and the option but not the demand for sex. I'd cook, but I have a feeling he'll be jonesing for a Big Mac more after several months on chow hall rations.
posted by Cricket at 8:55 PM on August 28, 2008

Ice cold beer and a massage - shoulders / feet are the sorest after a hike. He'll be tired, so don't overwhelm him with plans. Maybe a couples massage would work? Oh, and clean sheets for his bed. Nothing better than that after being grotty in a sleeping bag.
posted by jozzas at 9:24 PM on August 28, 2008

Greet him at the door wearing drop-dead sexy lingerie (or nothing at all). If he's too tired, don't worry about it and welcome his arrival (the sex will come soon enough). If he's not, take it from there.
posted by parkerama at 11:53 PM on August 28, 2008

Welcome him with a brand new hammock for two.
posted by gmarceau at 2:05 AM on August 29, 2008

1. Show up naked.
2. Bring beer.
posted by KRS at 8:34 AM on August 29, 2008 [1 favorite]