So it's my birthday, now what?

August 27, 2008 9:43 AM

It's been a bad summer, what to do for birthday?

Birthday is next week. Depressed due to the constant stream of problems life seems to be handing out (work, relationships, kids becoming obnixous teenagers). Would like to do something generally fun and/or life affirming for birthday but can't think of anything.

I'm not looking for specific things, i.e. go to Museum X on Y street, or something location specific to my city (which I wish to keep private for various reasons), but something general, yet not the same old thing, i.e. set that old couch on fire,

My stats: don't have any nearby friends. Male, almost 40. Wife and kids will probably be with me. Like reading, movies, traveling a bit (but don't want to do those things on my birthday).

Thanks.

posted by anonymous to human relations (17 comments total)

What about a nice dress-up dinner with your wife, or wife and kids? Break the routine a little, go somewhere you wouldn't ordinarily be able to afford.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 9:57 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Could you see yourself doing something by yourself? If you are depressed due to problems including your kids (and possibly your wife? 'Relationships' was ambiguous) maybe it would be an idea to spend some time by yourself. A period of reflection?

That's not to say you shouldn't do something with your family as well, but it kind of sounds like a bit of time 'away from it all' is something you might appreciate. Apologies for the vagueness of reply.
posted by Kirn at 9:58 AM on August 27, 2008

Have your whole family go sky diving or bungee jumping together, or some other thrill-seeking thing. The thrill aspect of it should intrigue and surprise your getting-to-that-age-where-parents-are-boring kids. Your wife may or may not be into it, but can always sit it out if she is scared (but she might really like it). And this sort of adreneline rush could be exactly the sort of life affirmation you are looking for. You did it, you lived through it, and you can live through alot more if life throws it at you.

If sky diving or bungee jumping doesn't work, then maybe something else that is along the same vein of active and sort of scary. Hang gliding? Those mini-bungee jumping rides they have at amusement parks? Swimming with sharks?

Happy birthday!
posted by onlyconnect at 9:59 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Do have a tattoo yet? Get one.
posted by 23skidoo at 10:00 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Pick your favorite comfort things, and make a day out of doing them all. Watch your favorite movie, eat your favorite foods, listen to your favorite music, wear your favorite shirt. Get your family to join you, if you want them there.

Fly a kite.

Are you at all athletic? Maybe you could put together a birthday challenge for yourself.
posted by vytae at 10:11 AM on August 27, 2008

Here's the opposite of onlyconnect's idea: Mr. bink's been having a rotten summer, and for his birthday we went tubing down the Delaware. Several hours of strictly enforced inactivity and absolutely no possible communication with the stresses of the real world. It was just the mental reset he needed. (also: there was beer)
posted by bink at 10:15 AM on August 27, 2008

As Kirn pointed out, are the problems due to your wife and kids? If you opt to get away from them and have some alone time, take a walk in a park all by yourself, spend some time feeding the ducks, enjoy the scenery. Look at everything like it's new to you even if you've already been there thousands of times.

If you rather do something with the wife and kids, get a thrill. Amusement parks, the beach (if you're near one), rock climbing... get a kick out of your birthday.
posted by curagea at 10:19 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

My birthday party is next week too! (but my birthday is the tenth, which is awesome because the next day is a federal holiday called Patriot Day, which is totally named in my honor!) We should double up! Come to DC and hang out with the Awesome Army as we re-enact Washington crossing the Delaware but on the Potomac using paddle boats and then re-enact the Glorious Revolution in an epic beer pong for the ages with Panzer General rules. If you're not there, you're somewhere else...
posted by parmanparman at 10:45 AM on August 27, 2008

A meal where EVERY SINGLE ITEM is deep-fried. Perhaps at a local resaturant. As each new course is placed in front of you, feign great surprise, and say, "Oh my gracious! MORE deep-frieds? Well, hell's bells!"

You should have a variety of dipping-sauces at the ready (ranch dressing, remoulade, balsamic vinegar, etc). The best way to do that will be to put each sauce in a little bottle (they sell travel-sized plastic bottles for taking fluids on vacation; you can use those), and glue each bottle to a belt, which you can then sling over your shoulder like it's a bandolier.
posted by Greg Nog at 10:58 AM on August 27, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

Do have a tattoo yet? Get one.

you know, I actually kinda agree. I find that a lot of stresses are cause by things getting too serious and 'adult' and the fun parts of life are missing. Its usually that I miss doing spontaneous things that maybe make no sense but were FUN and who cares so long as it isn't hurting anyone. A tattoo (or something equally youthful and useless) can be incredibly life affirming. Sure, it may seem a little mid-life crisis-y, but it sounds like thats kinda whats happening so WHO CARES what it seems like! I have 3 myself, all small and very discreetly placed so only I (or someone verrrry friendly with me) can see them and they all mark an important part of myself. I use them to remind myself of who I am, what is important to me, and how I want to live my life. I wouldn't suggest getting something cliché or meaningless, but rather get something that symbolizes something about who you feel yourself to be. Its a kind of ownership of yourself. I highly reccommend it.
posted by gwenlister at 11:29 AM on August 27, 2008

Give them all presents. Throw them a party. You've got a family. You are freakin lucky.
posted by ewkpates at 11:35 AM on August 27, 2008

Hope this doesn't come off as obnoxious/presumptuous, but there's something about your post that is striking me as coming from someone feeling pretty sad. If you are feeling depressed, even mildly, sometimes a vacation can intensify that feeling (once the vacation is over, that is). I wonder if finding something life-affirming/playful/meditative (or whatever it is you seek) *within* your daily life, rather than outside of it, might be a route that would be better for you long-term and avoid the let-down inherent in vacations spent away from difficult lives.
posted by dreamphone at 11:49 AM on August 27, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

My birthday, like parmanparman's, is on the 10th. And I have a love-hate thing about it, not the usual OMG I'm getting old stuff but just a long series of over-promised birthdays, and things that have gone horribly wrong. (being dumped! going to the emergency room! etc.) So I'm inclined to be paranoid about the birthday.

My best birthdays have always been those that I took really really really casually. Like when you go to a dumb movie, sometimes it's best to go into it with low expectations. What might you want to do on a nice ordinary day? Do that, and be gentle with yourself. Something outdoorsy & active, but not too EXTREME!!!1! is nice. Favorite things, comfort things, those are good.

Last year we took a week off because my birthday was on a Monday, and had the most low-key vacation ever, where the watchword was "however it turns out, that's okay." Plenty of random driving, no particular deadlines except for a single night's hotel reservation. (Where, as it turned out, I ran into someone I hadn't seen in like 10 years!) So whatever fits as low-key and relaxing for you: go there, do that.

(parmanparman: I totally wish I could join you! Also, I'd never thought about 9/11 quite that way...on top of everything else, it came the morning after an especially crappy (fighty! depressed!) birthday.)
posted by epersonae at 1:33 PM on August 27, 2008

Do something fun, silly, youthful: ie. go-carts, gamerooms, miniature golf, batting cage, bowling, roller skating, the zoo. Make out with wife like you're teenagers (maybe at one of these places).

Go to a model store and make something. Or along these lines visit any specialty store and get yourself a project gift. Get yourself a nice journal you like and use it over the next year to write plans and ideas in.

Do something healthy: long jog in the park, a yoga class, go to a local outdoor swimming hole. Exercise outside as the sun rises or sets.

Go to any convention that's in town. The husband and I do this sometimes and we've stubbled into wonderful worlds of model trains, stamps and rock collectors that we never knew much about.

Do something indulgent: take cake and ice cream to nice picnic area and have it together outside under the stars. Get cupcakes, take them to some place you like. Rent a fun car and take a nice drive. Take wife to fancy hotel downtown for the night. Go to the exotic grocery store in town and buy some exotic foods. Take the family out for ice cream sundays.

Do something brainy: go to a poetry or lit reading, attend a lecture or talk, an art show, browse that obscure bookstore.

Be a tourist in your own city. Revive simple pleasures (like Vytae's "fly a kite" suggestion). Get your palm read. Play board games or card games and eat popcorn in the living room with the family.

Best wishes and have a wonderful happy birthday!
posted by dog food sugar at 1:58 PM on August 27, 2008

When I was growing up we knew a family who would occasionally just check in to a nice hotel for a weekend. One with a pool, etc. Got one room for the kids and one for the parents. Couple that with some baseball tickets or a day in the city maybe? Sort of like a vacation without all the stress of leaving home.

Other options (shamelessly stolen from movies): test drive a really nice car, get some proper theater tickets, go fishing, start a new obsession/hobby.
posted by ontic at 2:00 PM on August 27, 2008

Happy Birthday! My own is next Thursday and I've traditionally celebrated with a Labor Day cookout. I highly recommend it. If you're in the city, make burgers and get some potato salad from a deli for an "indoor cookout." Good times!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:47 PM on August 27, 2008

follow-up from the OP

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Happy birthday!

Fly a kite.

I wonder if finding something life-affirming/playful/meditative (or whatever it is you seek) *within* your daily life

Thank you, those are suggestions. Much appreciated.
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posted by jessamyn at 3:09 PM on August 27, 2008